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Black-White dating: Are White women threatened by the Black woman?

Posted by Ria, 22 Apr

Everyone is insecure about something. And when it comes to relationships, insecurities range from the pettiest things to some real deal breakers. When talking about Black and White interracial relationships, people have covered widely what the Black men and women feel about being in intimate relationships of this kind. However, very little has been covered about White women and their interracial relationships with Black men.

While carrying out her research in the early 2000s, blogger Deborah Cooper interviewed 100 Bay Area White women in interracial relationships with Black men; with one of the interview questions being... “What is your biggest fear about this relationship?” And to her surprise, all 100 of them replied “her man would leave her for a Black woman.”

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I found this rather strange coz I would think if your man is attracted to you (a white women), you would be insecure that he might leave you for a woman who looks something like you and that is another white woman. Well this wasn’t the case hear.

If this fear is real, what might be the root cause? Is this fear out of admiration for the dark silky beauty and sexy curvaceous features of the Black woman? Is this fear out of intimidation by the Black woman for being of the same race as her man? Does she believe in the popular adage: “Once you go Black you never go back?”

Much as the Black woman is portrayed by a few Black men and media as being emasculative, ugly and non-wife material, this apparent insecurity of a White woman says a lot about the Black woman – That she is not what the media has portrayed her to be; that she is a force to recon with; that if she possesses qualities that the White woman finds threatening, then these qualities must be sky-rocketing high.

Look at it from the point of view of standards of beauty… they are changing. Being buttier and burstier, being full lipped and darker… this is what’s sexy now. So if men of all races want that by their side, who wouldn’t be threatened? Question is: Do Black women in interracial relationships with a White man share the same insecurity: that he will one day leave her for a White woman?

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38 responses to "Black-White dating: Are White women threatened by the Black woman?"

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  1.   sexyp1 says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 11

    A girlfriend of mine who's white and is married to a BM has similar fears. She told me when they met he told her he didn't date WW, he loved loved BW and didn't date out of his race. Anyway she laughed at this and made it her mission to change that and make him hers, now a few years later they're married with kids. But a week after they were married her insecurities began to creep out. She was so upset about him being attracted to BW, I told her she was tripping bc he married her. I agree with whoever said this has to do with being insecure, my closest and best friend is a WW married to a WM, and she's insanely jealous and insecure about his ex-wife who's also a WW she hates how skinny ex is, while my friend is jealous of her ex, he's insecure about every BM and his penis size because in the past she's dated black men. So if ur insecure anything can trigger doubt , so try working on ur own issues instead of trying to stir up he pot and piss people off with this petty kind of crap

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  2.   thodda says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 11

    I viewed a couple of these responses and as I thought. You have some defensive remarks as well as some offensive remarks..I don't think white women fear or are threatened by sistas dating white men, or vice versa. I think a lot of men are cowards..both white and black. Not speaking on my behalf. But I have homies, who go thru women like soft drinks on hot days, of all cultures. So to make it a black or white thing is a fickle thing. You have asian, latino, cubana, dominican, puerto- rican, as well. Why is it everything is a black/white issue. Yall better wake up and question some of these motives behind some of these questions being thrown out here. IJS. RED FLAG!!! Are Asian women threatened by White women, or Latino women threatened by Mexican women. Interracial dating just dont fall into a black and white spectrum.

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  3.   ontreehill says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 11

    Who is Ria and where did he/she get this information from. I have never heard of black women being potrayed as emasculative, ugly, non-white material. What "Media" are you referring to ??? Keep that trash to yourself; whomever you are. White women have no reason to be threatened by black women. Especially when it comes to black men. No one can come between two people who are in love or care deeply for one another. So its not about the color, its about the relationship. I say to any white female who may read this, if you have a black man, and you love him and he loves and respect you, keep him and don't worry about anyone taking him. If he truly loves you, he will stay with you. Thats my take on it. Ms. Chaos.

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  4.   xwhitebunnyx says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 11

    it may also be that it isn't the first BM to leave "her" for a BW. Honesyly, it's the individual WW's problem, not all of ours as a race.

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  5.   ChosenOne99 says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 11

    I believe, when looking at race, everyone has insecurities and weaknesses. I know when I was with my ex-fiance, long, long time ago...that was White, I was not worried about him leaving me for a White woman. I do not think it crossed my mind because we were so happy. I know he adored my body, my mind and me as a person. I was not insecure about our relationship and I believe that makes all the difference. It truly does lay within the person. Looking beyond color, what does one man or woman have that another one does not? If born healthy we all have two arms, two legs, ten digits on our hands and feet, genitals, hair, etc... people just have different preference for how they like things. Personalities can be similar or different. There should be no 'boxes' or too strict of pre conceived notions when it comes to people. One might meet a Black woman who likes all kinds of music and a White woman who enjoys R&B, there should be no 'typical' expectation, even though there is in society. But all-in-all, everyone is insecure about something. Just wanted to put my two cents in regarding this article. Yes, there are a great deal of spelling errors...lol. I don't really care, it was interesting to read. I thought the statistical pool was too low to consider for an entire group of people. Perhaps 500 would have been a better number, even then it is hard to present information based on human data because there are so many variables that make us different, like unique life experiences, etc... Besides, I love Asian men so it's all good...hahaha ^^

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  6.   mellie11 says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 11

    Wow, is this question really being asked? Isn't this the year 2011?! Ria, are you a black woman? If a woman is insecure about her husband leaving or cheating on her with a black woman, there are a LOT of other issues in the marriage. I've had black men who are married to black women hit on me on several occasions. Men will leave or explore with whom ever is WILLING!!! Does that shed some light on your silly question? ;) Also, Latin women have amazing curves as well as white women, we just hit the gym more often. Bless ya'll

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    • ChosenOne99 says:
      Posted: 05 Jul 11

      @Mellie11...what you said was not 100% accurate or nice. It seems you were offended because you attacked instead of answering the question with a genuine answer and leaving it at that. I was on board with you when you said men wil leave or explore with whomever is willing...some men, not all should be lumped together. Even so, fat and skinny, curves and no curves comes in all different races and nationalities, right? So what makes you think that Latin women and White women 'hit the gym more often' than Black women? Have you done statistical data or are you speaking from a pool of people that you observe only with your eyes when you go to the gym? Not accounting for people that choose to run on a trail away from the gym, have personal gyms at home, have gyms in their buildings, etc...There is no way for you to make a statement like that unless you have somehow done the statistical data, so I'm curious if you would like to share your data. And then you end it with Bless y'all as if that somehow justifies what you said. Assumptions are not the same as facts.

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  7.   Darlinu says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 11

    The article makes perfect sense to me. I admit, I never would have come to that conclusion on my own. But, after thinking about it and asking myself if that is an insecurity of mine, I would have to answer honestly, yes. I am not and have never been insecure and my self esteem is rather healthy, always has been. I do not feel inferior or superior to anyone. But, I am a human being and thus, have human tendencies. After thinking through this question for a few minutes, yes, one of my fears is for him to leave me and go back to his own race. Now, do I dwell on this, no. I don't even consciously think about it. But, I know deep down it is there. So yes, I believe it must be the same for the white woman. After all, we are all women. It has nothing to do with looks, body or anything wrong perceived about us...just women being women and perfectly natural. JMHO. Peace!

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  8.   Sugahrush says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 11

    What race-based fear could a woman possibly have against another? I say to my kids, "There are only two kinds of "monsters" in the world--those who will hurt you and those who will make you hurt yourself. " Based on ethnicity, race, pigmentation, gender...and all that other stuff Black women, as a whole, are neither of these. We have nothing to fear but fear itself...~Roosevelt

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  9.   zulunoire says:
    Posted: 12 Jun 11

    Yes, we are all the same in God's eyes but not so in man's eyes. On second thoughts. are we really all the same in God's eyes? God may love us all the same, but God knows the difference in our physical endowments. If God created us all the same, it would be boring. Now, it's left for us to choose..............there are great and beautiful human beings in all races. God has been so kind in giving us so much variety of choice; but we must not misuse it by swinging from one relationship to other without caring for the feelings of others. Once you make your choice, stick with it. Zulunoire

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  10.   crissy69 says:
    Posted: 02 Jun 11

    Im a white woman who dates black men and im not at all threateneby a black woman.We are all the same in Gods eyes,he made us all.and i agree we are all the same,we are all gods children.

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    • deean says:
      Posted: 18 Jun 11

      As my grandmother used to say, "It's a good thing God is not like man, because we all would be in trouble." I too like difference in both men and women. Difference makes life interesting. If we all were exactly the same how boring that would be. Let's Celebrate our differences.

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  11.   sweetie_cc07 says:
    Posted: 28 May 11

    I wouldn't think so, from my perspective, I'm only attracted to white guys mainly, and couldn't picture myself being with a black man ever. The only thing he'd have to worry about is me leaving him for another white guy. You like what you like; if your attracted to certain races, your going to stick with what you like. From what I see, it seems more black women are worried about black men leaving them for white women, more so than the opposite. I suppose there's always that factor in IR about the partner going back to his/her own race, probably because they'll feel more comfortable with someone who is like themselves, rather than another race. But, in the majority of IR, both partners enjoy the differences in cultures and embracing them. So are white women intimidated by black women? Love/relationship wise, I'd say it's pretty mutual.

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  12.   needlove77 says:
    Posted: 27 May 11

    I think white women,black men,black women (yeah I know), latino/latinas....etc are threaten by some black women. I think it is how many black women carry themselves. so I would agree.

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  13.   wren17 says:
    Posted: 17 May 11

    Sooooo many people r accurate here. Ive been w wm on a date & got it from both sides. I'v even had people say, "they must work together" just loud enough. Older & younger, b&w it doesnt fit a profile. People can be insecure. Stereotypes have been played out since slavery in this country. Interracial didnt start in the 60's & Blacks were not the only slaves in this country. The mulatto slave was a combination of african and irish slaves & when a government has to pass legislation to stop something it must b tons of it going on. Insecurities about race these days is so backwards to me, so unfounded! This writer said & that writer said. Movies are make-believe. Know ur history & who u r. That's where insecurities perish. If a significant other leaves you for another, it should never b the end of ur existence. On the news today was a man arrested after his wife was found decomposing in their home. He had been going to work & home like nothing at least two weeks. That is insecurity that should have been dealt with long before it turned into dimented. Before it turns crazy, deal with it. Get help. Something? But dont push it in my face. I push back. My life, my choice. If i was worried about what u were thinking, i would have sent a permission form. Ww should do the same if that is who they want.

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  14.   chatham99 says:
    Posted: 17 May 11

    there is a trend among the white men in their choice of black women and that also extends to the black men as well. i have noticed that the men prefer the black african woman preferably still in africa and he imports her to the west and be her benefactor while she becomes his cleaner, nanny, and sexpartner, all in the name of marriage.they usually find that the black woman who has lived in the west and has the influence of the culture is a challenge. i have also noticed that most white mane who marry black women from africa are very old men who have been with their white women and had their kids in their youth and got divorced, the young black woman ,probably out of poverty picks up the dregs cos that sort of disparity in age is not yet fully implanted in the western world. i do not see that a white woman would get jealous over a young woman picking up her garbage, cos she enjoyed the strength and vitality of that man, got her nice slice of the property and have grown up kids. the amazing thing again is that those black men who leave the white women for the black ones in later life arelooking for empathy cos when they have the money, they dream of bedding the blond woman and when the blond woman sucks him dry, he remembers the black woman who for whatever reason takes him up. i have not really seen a white man who leaves a black woman for a younger white woman unless he is very rich.so the earlier the blackwoman understands that the 'brother' who leaves his long standing relationship with the white woman for her is not after her beauty of endowments but for empathy, the better.nothing as bad as sagging skin. i dont see the white women feeling threatened at all, i think its just that feeling of missing someone you have shared your life with, and that happens irrespective of race.

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  15.   BlackSaint78 says:
    Posted: 14 May 11

    Insecurity is everywhere!!! It's all about who you are and your mindset.

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  16.   Rain_Girl says:
    Posted: 12 May 11

    This article seems somewhat partial to the aesthetic of a Black woman, and, um, biased, subjective, lahlahlah-blah. I think it takes many more human-interest studies to catapult this hypothesis as being even along the lines of a probable theory, but the suggestive psychology behind it? Based heavily on aesthetic principles. Human fear & insecurities inhabit an intelligence much deeper than that.

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  17.   kimberbanks says:
    Posted: 10 May 11

    yes i agree with @sikai she @karinicole seems VERY threatened it's ok boo boo we know yall take care of them trust me i know i have brothers and a lot of BLACK homeboys that tell me the whites aka BECKYS do whatever they say aka DOORMATS and they treat them like dogs and STILL deal with the BLACK women they had before so keep thinking that he won't leave you for a SISTA chile PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE. let your BLACKY aka BROTHER see me and i bet he will not only spend OUT on me but have me on his arms too miss becky! LOL p.s. that is why white women are getting fake lips, azz and hips to be like who? a BLACK WOMAN to get who? a BLACK MAN i rest my case bye bye boosky's

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    • Patsy1nz says:
      Posted: 03 Jan 17

      Lol it never ceases to amaze me how much some of you try and convince yourself that the guy will always want you. Face it , some BM just like WW. End of

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      • Mejason says:
        Posted: 03 Jan 17

        Are u married? If u don't please add me or inbox me on fb

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  18.   shanegkess1 says:
    Posted: 09 May 11

    As some have mentioned, a response requires doing some stereotyping, which we know will not properly categorize everyone in their essence at all hours of the day. So Political Correctness aside: Of course women are going to be jealous. They are women. The scrawny butts have gone out of style. And for everyone who has come to appreciate booty ( which is now all colors and genders) the nod is often going to go to the black girl. Their dazzling array of backsides is enough to leave men of all makes and models in a dazed and dazzled stare. But the white girls counterpunch with the gorgeous silky hair. That stuff is so nice to run your hand through. And some of the nappy hair on a black girl can scratch you up pretty good (but it can do wonders when cleaning a greasy or burnt pan). And then the kicker, far more white girls had daddies who taught them to balance and temper their emotions with some level of composure. The loudness of some black women is a real turnoff to men of all races. Sadly, some of the obnoxious multi baby mamas don't have the sense or humility to be envious of their composed white, yellow, and mocha counterparts. Alas. Apologies to the super sisters that have it all. Wait, was that supposed to be plural? No matter, I still don't deserve her anyway. I've got to get out of Mississippi. The people down here, both white and black, just don't realize how much the legacy of slavery and the recurrent master/slave relationships continue to limit this culture. It's scary but it makes for some damn good sex sometimes. To the old urban white men on Viagra, getchass down here and you won't need dem blue pills when these mamas brush up against ya.

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    • deean says:
      Posted: 18 Jun 11

      My Dear, They can have all the bm they like. We can do better.

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  19.   sikai says:
    Posted: 08 May 11

    Unfortunately, if a white woman is in a relationship with a black man to be his trophy, if that man has decided since he is making a little more money he needs himself a white woman, then it ca be an issue. Otherwise, it would not be that a man will leave you for woman his race or otherwise.

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  20.   karinicole says:
    Posted: 06 May 11

    What are we in high school? Where someone who decides to be in a relationship also decides to leave because of someone's else's race or features? That is shallow... I have dated black men always have never thought any man that I was involved with would leave me for a black woman. I consider myself to have leverage and have dated quite a bit of all types of black men from hustlers, sports professionals to lawyers and a doctor or two. None of these men nor I would leave a decent solid relationship just because someone else was sexier... time invested, support,loyalty and friendship with a healthy attraction to eachother makes people stay together. Not some sexy anything who comes walking by.... Im not saying she might not get poked every now and then by a man who is already involved with another-- Im just saying she isn't getting much attention on holidays.

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  21.   Demerera says:
    Posted: 03 May 11

    In the U.K where there are more and more couples emerging I would say that there is, dare I say, this underlying sense of uncertainty from WW to BW. Now I am NOT saying all and perhaps it isnt specific to BW but for example, whereas years ago it wouldnt even have been a factor for WW that their WM would stray to BW it is definately a consideration that many now have to take seriously. Personally, if a Wwoman feels 'threatened' , this is not always just because of the fear of the difference in race,sometimes just how she feels about herself generally. I have felt the steely stare of WW who date BM just as equally though but again, it is her own insecurities that lead her to behave this way where they feel that their mate will want to go back to someone from their own cultural background. This is not so hard to believe, after the differences in shade/features etc are what attracted the WW to the BM so why would they not see that in a BW and think that they are indeed gorgeous and think to themselves that they arent attractive in the way that this BW is? Again though, this is down to their own personal perception and lack of confidence - I dont know why this would be so hard to believe! For WW I do think though that it is more to do with a BW perceived strength character of character that is most intimidating. Stereotypes do prevail and despite height/build/nature of black to white, many white people nearly always try to pin that 'aggressive' label to BP in times of disagreement or conflict no matter how rationally or calmly that BP tries to deal with that situation.

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  22.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 02 May 11

    Somehow I'm not really buying this article. I would be curious to know who provided the research. Also I really don't like some of the stereotypical remarks made in this blog, but thats just me... Anyways, answering one of the Authors questions "**Do Black women in interracial relationships with a White man share the same insecurity: that he will one day leave her for a White woman?"**** The answer is no...for me. Shotgun

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    • deean says:
      Posted: 18 Jun 11

      I agree with you. Actually, there are ww I sincerely like. I like the strenght of Angie and I like the way Jennifer handled her break up with Brad.

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  23.   cwfwa69 says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 11

    this topic is so simple it kills me no# 1 love does not come in colors,no#2 happiness does not come in colors

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    • 2old2b_here says:
      Posted: 11 May 11

      this man got it right. insecurity knows no color. it is a human trait in all of us.

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  24.   Ren says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 11

    First of all, wow--spell check, hon. Second, apparently, there was no reason given for why the white women were worried that their black man would leave for a black woman. So, you're just putting words in the white women's mouth, Ria. Third, I know a lot of us like to think race doesn't matter, but...I mean, EVERY white woman listed that as her worry. I think it relates to one of the reasons why a lot of black women say they won't date interracially, i.e. feeling like a black man will eventually want to be with someone who can relate to him in terms of race and racial experiences, and also being with someone where you two won't have to fight friends, family members and even strangers just because the two of you are different races. I also think the majority of us just have a deep-seated belief, just based on how the US has been most of our lives and what we've seen (i.e. most couples being same-race ones), that people of a particular racial background prefer individuals of their same background. In other words, I don't think worrying that someone will leave you for someone of their racial background demonstrates something is wrong with you so much as it shows you do have some subconscious understanding either of what generally goes on in the US (i.e. again, most couples being same-race) or of the fact that race matters a lot in the US.

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  25.   Mychal67 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 11

    Personally, I believe that race has nothing to do with it. A person who allows themselves to be intimidated by another based upon race needs to look within and ask themselves..."Am I intimidated by the person, or the color of the person" If it is the person themself who brings the intimidation, one must look to that person and see what it is that is within the intimadating presence that makes them uncomfortable, and address them internally.If it is the color of the person that is the dominating factor, then one must come to terms with their views of their confidence within themselves, and address them. To take any other course is simply a diversion from the real issue, and avoidance of facing up to them is a crippling distraction form the truth In either scenario, it is a person allowing themselves to be intimidated, and the person who is percieved to be intimadating has only the power one gives them.

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  26.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 11

    I don't think that white women are threatened by the black woman anymore than the black woman feels threatened by the white one. It's all about personal choice of the respective partners.

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  27.   belsize09 says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 11

    patriot has a point ...but people should date who they fancy then they can feel contented...

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  28.   patriot9878 says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 11

    I'd say it's the other way around. Black guy makes millions and he gets a White woman most of the time. The reason so much money is paid in sports is The Protocols of Zion. I meran it makes no sense for anyone to make 20 milion to dribble a basketball.

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