Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?
I'm always blogging about how White guys are getting the hot Asian women… but let's not forget Black guys dating White women.
One thing that made me sit and think for a moment is… "Are there fewer white men that are willing to date black women… and even fewer white women willing to date Asian men?" It’s like Black women and Asian men are being left on the sideline when it comes to the interracial dating game. So why is this?
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When it comes to online dating, Black women and Asian women seem to be disadvantaged. Men of all races usually claim to be open to dating men of all races but they seem to have reservations when it comes to Black women. Similarly, women who claim that they just want to find a nice, kind, respectful man, who say physical preference is not a deal-breaker seem to pump their brakes at Asian men.
Whether we like it or not, this is evident online and also with other match-making services. The profiles of Asian men and Black women rank lowest when it comes to the numbers of other singles showing interest in them. They seem to get fewer messages as well as fewer matches. Matchmaking services also say that these two groups are the hardest to find matches for.
There is the emasculation of Asian men by the media for years that seems to have translated to a self-fulfilling prophecy that ended up giving birth to an actual non-attraction to Asian men in real life.
As for black women, the media portrays them as sassy, strong women who emasculate men. Society makes them appear to be more masculine than women of other races making people assume that they are effeminate, hence physically less attractive.
Asian men and black women are having a harder time dating because of the societal constructed beauty standards and stereotypes. On the other hand, Asian women and Black men are doing so much better with Asian women being idealized as being more sexual and more feminine and Black men as more masculine and well endowed.
Then there is also a different spin to all this... maybe Black women and Asian men probably aren’t interested in dating outside of their own race...
The other thing about Asian men and Black women is that this particular interracial combo is also rare. Black woman-Asian man couples are sometimes even ridiculed as poor matches by whites, blacks, and Asians alike. Is this combo freakish as some people who have never seen such a couple put it?
I believe when people finally get over their rigidity and put a human face to black woman-Asian man relationships eventually they will respect this combo as much as most Americans accept and even laud some other types of interracial unions.
Well, I think this would be one viable option to consider in interracial dating… Seeing as Black women and Asian men are the least likely groups to be matched online, maybe they should consider dating each other more. That way we will see a rise in Asian Men Black Women couples and then maybe, we will stop gawking when we see them. What do you make of it?
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476 responses to "Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?"
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Member says:Posted: 03 May 09
Interesting comments! I will start out by saying that I am a Korean male who is married to a black female for 7 years. We have two sons who are under the age of 5. Although our relationship has its struggles none of it is based on our racial differences. I think alot of what some people are saying is based on where they live, their social status, etc...I know someone mentioned (starthai) all the asian people she knew were filipinos who worked in her dental office (hardly a represntation of all asian males)so to say they are "weak, spineless, unattractive, as a whole group is funny. And also to say her other involvement was with store owners who harass her because they thinks she is stealing. Now I am sure she is being truthful when she says these things but this is such a small microcosim (sp?) of this country. I live and work in the Washington DC metro area and there are smart, attractive, full of swag, asian males, black males, hispanic males, etc...If your whole interaction with people of other cultures is what you watch on TV, stereotypical impressions, and a small group of people you worked with in one office, it will be skewed, plain and simple. I will say I do support her decision not to be interested in Asian men, that is her perogative and she should be free to do that as much as other people on here want to date asian men. I have dated black women from NY, Alabama, Georgia,California, Illinois, Alaska and of course in the DC area. I would say more than anything the difference I noticed between all these women had to do with what part of the country they grew up in, their economic status, values, hobbies, whether or not they had children... but not how light or dark they were...
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Toree18 says:Posted: 03 May 09
Mamacita how old are you? Are you in your twenties? The reason I'm asking is maybe your Father has a reason to feel the way he feels. He may have gone through desegregation back in the 70's, and if he did it is an experience he will never forget, for those of us who have gone through it. The days of desegregation left alot of deep wounds that will not be forgotten, ask your Dad if he went through desegregation__if he did that'll explain why he feels that way, especially being a light skinned black in those days.
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chynadoll says:Posted: 03 May 09
Soon the whole world will be mix up, as hell. So it don't matter no more, who the hell you talk to or date. Now how can i find me a nice mix asian guy,lol.
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Mamacita says:Posted: 02 May 09
One of the sexiest guys that I dated was biracial, white and Vietnamese. He was really funny and a good person. We parted ways, but I think about him from time to time. The high school that I attended was mostly black and then, the second largest group was Filipino. When I went to college one of my friends was disgusted by my yearbook pics with all the interracial dating. I didn't even understand, but she grew up in a segregated part of South Carolina. I just didn't know people were so prejudice. My mom's side of the family has Cherokee Indian, black, and white european ancestry. So, she always taught me to just love people for people. She's darker than my dad, who looks like he is Puerto Rican or Dominican. Funny thing is my dad would probably have more of a problem if I married someone that wasn't black. But, it is not anybody's choice, but mine. I'll marry the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, regardless of his race.
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thedamntruth says:Posted: 02 May 09
I'm British Japaneses and my girlfriend is British Nigerian i never thought of this at a big deal but apparently it sort of is. I get the stereotypes that yellow guys are nerdy, weak and all that shit and 'can't handle a black woman's attitude" my girl is super shy much more like a stereotypical Japanese girl and I'm loud and out going. I read stuff here and other places about cultural differences and while i'm jammin with her and her fam I see some small similarities. I get the whole sidelined thing too but when people say it that way its sounds like a last resort kind of thing and that just sound bad people should get with people they like and not put down their race of men/women coz that just creates a whole lot of problems i never said i hated yellow women and my girl never said she hated black men in fact she said if tyson beckford or morris chestnut asked her to get married she would dump me in a second LOL just kidding
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chynadoll says:Posted: 01 May 09
Oh i forgot to add, that everyone talking about they have different culture. We understand that, but no one mention our black culture. I'm a very old fashion person and very family oriented.And black ppl are very close to their family as well, we also want our parents blessing when it come to picking a partner. So what the hell, we're not that different from Asian ppl.
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chynadoll says:Posted: 01 May 09
Good point Toree18, yeah we don't like the fact that people try to keep us down. I mean if i was a guy i would love to have an independ and strong woman by my side. Not one that when you say jump she say how high.
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HKDude says:Posted: 30 Apr 09
Toree18 - I agree that there are lingering stereotypes on all sides which I believe gets in the way of all of us who could otherwise find someone truly special. You've noted some of the negative stereotypes that BW have, it's been noted in other posts that AM's are stereotyped as wanting a submissive woman only or are slightly built unattractive girly me. BM are stereotyped as only wanting WW - especially when a certain level of material success is achieved, and then AW only want to date WM (presumably so that both the BM and AW can be more respectable in society - or at least achieve some level of acceptance that they don't feel they would otherwise have). Let me just say that I can't deny that stereotypes may have some basis in reality or nugget of truth, but I've been with AW who have been just as opinionated and "mean" as BW are stereotyped to be (in fact as an AM, I laugh to myself when I see some non-AM with an AW thinking that they're getting themselves a submissive AW and then seeing that it is totally not true - I've actually lost track of how many times this has happened). So while there may be some BW, AM, or others who fit a common stereotype, there are many others who don't - a basic principle we all learned when we were younger is to not to judge a book by it's cover and I think that basic principle still holds. Anyway, as other people have said in the comments, I think if we all simply looked past our biased beliefs or stereotypes, then we can truly see that there are some great people out there who could really make you happy. Bottom line (and I'm paraphrasing what others have said): If you see someone you like, don't be afraid to go and talk to them (and don't let society - meaning your friends and family talk you out of it simply because they are a different skin color).
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Toree18 says:Posted: 30 Apr 09
Chynadoll one of the reasons I think they're afraid to approach us, is also due to a stereotype we've been given; and that's because we are "mean" because we maybe out spoken, or when our toes are stepped on we actually have the nerve to say "ouch." The majority of BW who do not suffer from an identity crisis are not very submissive. We don't usually let people walk all over us, or have someone to tell us to jump and we say "how high." Because of the stereotypes, people don't realize we are capable of expressing ourselves without sounding ethnic, we can be articulate too. Stereotypes can really be damaging.
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chynadoll says:Posted: 29 Apr 09
Well i see this topic and i must get in on this, lol i'm a mix female. Chinese,blk, scottish and caribbean indian, from the caribbean. And i would like to date other races, but its like they're scared to talk to blk females. I was in Europe and the German guys love blk girls, but they don't know how to approach us. Why is that so, we don't bite,lol!
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missS says:Posted: 23 Apr 09
What's very interesting to me is how long this post has continued for. It shows that this is a hot topic and people want to talk about it. When we do, we are getting a step closer to a greater freedom of choice with regards to love. I am in a love relationship with an AM right now and I am a BW. I think the hardest thing is dealing with the stares and attention when we go out. We love each other and have to maintain a strong relationship because all the scrutiny can wear down any relationship. I love the way he cooks and I prefer to eat his native foods. Our cultures are very similar and I hope that people can open up their eyes to it. I think with our relationship, as with any other, you have to keep an element of humor in a relationship for balance and to counteract negativity. I am very attracted to asian men in general. When he approched me, I was younger and did not take him seriously. Now I see how much I missed out on. Let's keep talking about it. P.S. He is a great listener and knows the number one rule to any successful relationship with ANY woman: "She's always right!"
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Tonster says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
said to say but Gay white men (most of them) who are always fighting for equality and rights are actually racist themselves to other gay black or asian men. It's hypocritical.
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Tonster says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
There are a lot of goodlooking asian men. Not the stereotype u see in the movies like Jackie Chan or Jet Le. People who just think asians are nerdy, short, not athletic are or have been living in a bubble or cave. And we asian men age well and when we workout we really look good.
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Tonster says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
Stupid. Asian women date/marry white men because they are insecure with being asian for they what to pretend to be white. Most asian women date/marry the ugliest white guys anyways. It's pathetic. Even in the gay community, a lot of gay asian men prefer white guys. And the same thing goes, gay asians usually date the ugliest white guys. Pathetic....
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Jersum says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
Hi Griever, Your story is similar to mine and the love of my life who is a Filipino man. He and I have been together for three years now, and things are really great between us. We recently started checking out this website together, because your right you don't see many Black women and Asian men couples, not even in Los Angeles where we live. We have gotten many stares, and some comments good and bad, but we never let it affect us. I think aside from our different races, we draw a lot of attention sometimes because even though were both the same height,I love to wear heels which puts me a few inches taller than him, and we're like the reverse Kimora and Russell Simmons : ) It is so good to here about another relationship such as my own that is working wonderfully despite social negativeness or ignorance, and with family support to boot. Your advice telling people to draw up the courage to ask someone out is sound, people need to take chances, and they too can be in love, and planning their weddings for next year. Thank You for your post. -Jersum
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NY_WM says:Posted: 13 Apr 09Hi Griever, Thanks for your comment and congratulations on your relationship. That is wonderful that your families are accepting of your relationship. Of all mixed couples, it seems Asian-descended men and African-descended women are among the most rare. Do you have a theory as to why that is?
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Griever says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
I an Asian man living in California, where AM and BF couples are scarce, and sometimes don't even exist in towns. I've been I've been dating my black girlfriend for almost 3 years. I've always found females outside of my race to be attractive. Strange thing is, I don't find many Asian females to be attractive, believe it or not. Sure, like most AM and BF couples, when we go out to on a date, heads turn and we get nasty looks every once in a while. My parents have no problem with it, nor do hers. Both of our families get along great, and we're hoping for a bright future ahead of us. We both go to college, so most of the people are mature and open minded. Point is, if you fine someone you like, don't be afraid to go and ask them on a date. Some people, specifically men, need to draw up the courage to ask someone out, and toss all the stereotypes out of the window. Who knows, the person might even be your soul mate. ;D
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ebutttafly says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
Well after reading most people's comments I am for the school of thought that you like who you like. I mean hot is hot, that doesn't belong to a race. I am from a place were it is very culturaly diverse and so I have always like all types of guys and I have dated white, black, asian, and latino guys and I am a black women. From my experience you just have to date somebody that has similiar interests as you and just because you are the same race doesn't mean that you have the same interest our that you necessarily have the same experiences to bond you outside of the black experience. However, sometimes there is hesitation on the part of some men, in my experience, about dating a black women but then they realize there really isn't such a big differnce. I say if you are unsure about dating outside of your race to start off by widening your circle of friends and I swear your understanding of people and these stupid sterotypes will drastically change how you see the world because we are so much more alike than we would like to admit, race aside.
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REDRAIN says:Posted: 11 Apr 09In white supremacist world and society, asian men and black women are seen as the most ugly. We are considered ugly, undesirable, and at the bottom of the food chain. While white people are seen and treated like living demi-gods. Its not about whether or not most black women don't want to date outside of their race. Its about the fact that most people in society look down on black women and always show blacks in a negative light. That way, no one will want black women because we are displayed as fat, ugly gorillas by the media, who deliberately does that.
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sir_roy says:Posted: 09 Apr 09Im here to make new friend's. 201-658-8286 sir_roy I'm very understanding please call.sir_roy > lippin75@hotmail.com. IF it's good for us lol! >>>>>>yess i agreee..!!!!!!
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sir_roy says:Posted: 09 Apr 09
Im here to make new friend's. 201-658-8286 sir_roy I'm very understanding please call.sir_roy > lippin75@hotmail.com. IF it's good for us lol! i agree
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PrettyGurl says:Posted: 09 Apr 09
ive always been attracted to man who were not blk since i was young.. I like Asian men too and believe it or not Im really into Asian film well I like alot of Foreign Films but Asian, France (love Audrey Tatou) and Bollywood are my favorite. I just luv it all. I live in small urban city and I have seen younger (20's) am with bw but none around my age.. Im opened to it all well kind of ;) For me, I find that alot of men who are not blk like me but don't... ex.. the other day I'm talking to a guy on here and we are having a really nice conversation and we just start talking about fitness and I tell him I'm full figured and then right away he wants to see a pic.. so i show him and he's like" i dont mean to be mean.. youre pretty but youre kind of big".... lol.... so i just keep pressin until someone who wants to take a look inside and out... so the moral of the story is lol..... everyone has a preference... maybe most asian males have different preferences in women :) just my 2 cents.
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Jason says:Posted: 08 Apr 09
I'm Asian all I have to say is I think Tamron Hall is the prettiest girl I've seen yet on television. I don't mean prettiest Black girl...I mean IN GENERAL. She has a nice personality to go with it too.
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09I find Asian men attractive as well! Jackie Chan, Cute! Too short,but cute!
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
LOL Okay,You got me! My bad! I know how that sounds!
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oriensus says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
Hey BrownB09, So ummm..... Russell Wong is actually half Dutch which explains his better than average looks. Oops did that just sound really politically incorrect and just plain wrong? And Jet Li is sexy?!?!?! What you gonna tell me next, Jackie Chan is sexy too? LOL....I'm just joking...Well, half joking...
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
Now, I know Jet Li is sexy, lets not forget Russell Wong Fine as Hell! LOL
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onemill2 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09Too much pressure in america for this to excist I been all over the globe and one of the spots I seen it and I did the interacial thing was in england I was respected by all races there it was trippy. I went to a club filled with caucasion woman and they were not just one a bunch of were trying to get at me. They had money and homes to chill in and nice cars to drive around the city I didn't want for anything all they wanted was affection because they felt that black men new how to love their women and they felt that white men there weren't affectionate enough. I even hit a punk rocker who owend her own pub there and I was myself the whole time I never changed my tone of voice I made them laugh and enjoy life I had one come all the way to the states to get me to come back and li outmy days with her. True story
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onemill2 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
I've seen alot of mixed couples in my time and never have I ever witnessed a black woman and asian man but u know what I think you just gave me an Idea for my next writing project anyone willing to do this with me?
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onemill2 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
It wouldn't work unless they were on an island and no on could see them ever. could you imagine having to go out to a family get together and linda would have to introduce him to the family. I know my family I got relatives that would go def jam comedy all night especially when we get done drinking that yak and blaze that killa. The only way he would be excepted is he better know how to get back at us when we lightning into his u know what. Let be real I read some of these blogs and some of you come off like you have phd's. Wake up and stop dreaming in the real world where real people live and be around oneanother everyday this just won't happen You better be rich and live in a mansion that's secured because if you live on 25th and 3rd you gonna get blasted on baby lol and that's not racist.
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Dante1977 says:Posted: 06 Apr 09
Sideline? IMO, it depends on the degree of cultural upbringing.
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fkoi says:Posted: 06 Apr 09First of all, I want to give a big head's up to the comment made by Salsera77 on 11 January 2008. That was really funny, yet subtle. Nice work. I never really noticed or counted how many of this race goes out with that race. I'll accept that Asian men with Black women is rare if y'all say it is. After reading some of the comments here, it doesn't surprise me. Stereotypes of family relationships or anatomy issues are gonna keep it that way. Each person has to check themselves. If I am furthering racial separateness, I am wrong. There are all kinds of Asians in the world and all kinds of Black women. Are Cambodians exactly like Chinese and exactly like a Japanese guy raised in Ohio? I hardly think so. Is a Nigeria-raised woman the same as a Black woman who can trace her roots back in the States for 400 years. Not likely. Folks whose family has been University educated for generations are likely to see this question differently than people who have no diplomas of any kind in their families. Very similar statements as I've seen on this very blog have been spouted about racial/cultural/national/religious/socio-economic miscegenation for hundreds if not thousands of years. Time to wake up? Past time. P.S. I love to eat sushi ;-)
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homesteader says:Posted: 31 Mar 09
Our Love is forever , Retirement is just nothing to do . All day long , Respectfully Earned . Online Education at Our pace of Learning . And don't really care / how bad I spell or use capital letters . We found each other on this site . What have you done lately ?
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 31 Mar 09toree18 and uphoria3 good post. I think blacks just as other ethnic groups get caught up in the class trap. Lord help the lost soul who believes that having a college degree makes you educated. You got more accountants looking for jobs than plumbers, now run and tell that. uphoria3 I find it funny that everybody else (other ethnic groups) know how to make us happy but we (blk men/women)just can't seem to make pull it off. This proves that there's nothing wrong with us, it's just the way we relate to eachother. We spend more time tearing eachother down than building eachother up. When did having a college degree or professional career determine if a person is capable of loving and caring for their mare? Never! I've known first hand how people get caubht up in letting society dictate what their spouse should be like. If you have a degree or belong to a fraternity or sorority what makes you think that only someone on your level can make you happy? If that's the case, is the divorce rate for professionals any lower than non professionals? Alcoholism, drug abuse, sexaul perversion, maritial infidelity and domestic violence is it not as much a problem amongst professionals as well working the class? Many people get caught up in trying to have spouses that reflect them, when a spouse is there to compliment them on the inside and not the outside. "What would my professional colleages think if they knew my wife or husband only had a GED or they were a security guard and a house keeper at a hospital"? Who gives a fu*k what they'd think! If she loves me treats me right, as a man I'd work three jobs so my wife wouldn't have to work one, I'd go out an get dirty so she could stay clean all the time and I'd wear the work boots and dickies so she can wear heels and a dress! If my wife came home tomorrow and said, " baby I'm tired of the corporate madness," I'd tell her," baby don't even go back to clear your desk, let-cha husband go back and get your things"! I'd beem with pride as I tell her boss, " my wife aint coming back here to work, she'll be at home from here on out, working on me, have a nice day"! LOL That's love when you can look beyond the petty and focus on the priority. It's sad that many will miss out on true love because they focus on the wrong things. While you're overlooking him/her, you can bet someone else is looking them over! James Love & Allow Someone To Love You!
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Toree18 says:Posted: 31 Mar 09
Uphoria3, I agree with the latter part of your comment when you said other women stroke them and make them feel capable and important. You're right, I've heard so many Black men say that's the reason they stay with and prefer White women, because the White woman will take alot of crap off them and let them get away with everything. As far as the helping them obtain an education; I guess I've been running into the fools, I better not suggest going to school, will "show nuff" get cussed out. They won't even put forth an effort to get a GED, they want you to do their homework_because they feel they're going to school for your benefit. See I couldn't help it, I'd have to tell him I already know how to read. Another thing Uphoria3, I am so tired of hearing them say "I got street smart" apparently not, a street man will never be broke. The very one's you hear making stupid statements like that don't have 2 nickels to rub together__they'd probably have better luck at getting money by doing like Dorothy, clicking their heels together 3 times and saying "I wish". I don't despise Black men, but when I'm trying to help him out, I want to feel appreciated. I don't want to hear "you think you're better than me," ignorance at it's best.
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uphoria3 says:Posted: 30 Mar 09
Jersum, I'm not saying there aren't any good black men out there--I know plenty. I totally agree with you when you said that every race has their own black sheep, that is true, not one ethnicity is better than the other and that definitely not what I'm saying. Though I prefer Asian men, I've not had a walk in the park with any of the ones I've dated--some I had the same problems as any other guy and some I have to deal with whole new cultural problems that I didn't have with anyone else-- yet I finally found one that suites me fine and I have no doubt if I were actually attracted to black men I would find the same with one eventually too. What I was pointing out was that a good enough or at least a noticeable amount of those good black men don't want good black women. Bless the ones that do, but it's hard finding a black man with the right package(no kids or baby mama drama, never been on drugs or in jail, college degree, good job, not egomaniac, a gentleman, marriage material, a good father and person, etc...) They don't even have to have all of those qualities, no one's perfect, but just some. Like any woman we deserve happiness, but it's getting harder to find with our own and it shouldn't be, we should get first dibs on men like I've describe, but we have to fight for them with other women and each other. When we lose we're left with the non desirable and we stay with them because they are available. That is what I think Toree18 was referring to when she said it was hard finding a man on her level. It's a known fact that more black women graduate colleges and schools of higher education than our counterparts. We have a lot of the higher paying jobs (except when it comes to sports, of course) and interact with more diverse people. Yet we are less likely to marry outside our race and have only the available black men, which the majority are non desirable (have kids all of over the place, been to jail, lack maturity and aptitude for responsibility, didn't finish school, disrespectful to women, does drugs, ignorant, etc...) Toree18, you have a good point when you said black men and women stereotype each other, I totally agree with you, but we need to find some way to break out of this cycle because no one can screw the black ppl over more than themselves and two wrongs don't make a right. Black women need to get rid of their hang ups and black men need to learn to be real men and cherish their women like every other man. I hear white men call their women sluts and bitches like black men, but the marked difference is they would never let anyone else call their women that. White men make sure that everyone respects their women and holds them as a standard, why can't we do that? why can black men do the same to their women and show the rest of the world how beautiful and loving a black woman can be, instead of defacing us, thereby defacing themselves? Also, instead of taking our men's excuses for their short comings, we should support them and help them up. If your man doesn't have a degree and you do, help him look at schools, encourage him. He doesn't have a job and you do, help him with his resume and ask around your work for openings. He has kids outside of your union, team up with the mother of his kids and become a support system for each other and make him take his responsibilities seriously. He's disrespectful or abusive, leave! You don't need it and shouldn't have to take it. Instead of being scornful all the time, stand by him and behind him; I always though that was one of the reasons they go to other women. Though black women are good at keep black men's egos in check, sometimes we go too far and that's why they run from us. Other women stroke them and make them feel capable and important; we should do the same when our men deserve it.
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uphoria3 says:Posted: 30 Mar 09
Dear Greekaussie, thanks for the vid, saw it already, but I'm afraid that I must disagree with you about the basketball player's wives issue. I'm a hardcore NBA fan and I actually stumbled on the fact by accident. You can look it up. 3% was my estimation, but believe me when I say that it's less than 30% percent; with exceptions of Shaq, Chris Paul, Leabron James (baby mama, not married), Chris Bosh (in court with baby mama, doesn't want to pay child support), Dwayne Wade (broke up with her after she had the baby), and Gilbert Arenas (made his wife propose to him); those are the only guys I've seen with a black partner. I'm not talking about the whole history of the NBA, but right now if you look up NBA player's wives they are non black. They only have babies with the black chicks and keep them as girlfriends until they can find something better. Seriously look it up. When I read about it, I think it was an article about the All Stars weekend or maybe Kobe's (wife is Spanish) rape case and they pointed that out, so I can't get you the exact stats, but my estimation of less than 30% is about right.
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Toree18 says:Posted: 30 Mar 09
Jersum, you said a mouthful when you said and I quote "I feel that it is wrong to lump all black men in the category of not being chivalrous." Jersum that is exactly what black men do to us when they're trying to condone being with a white woman to their friends, or family. They talk like all we want is to keep having children so we can be on welfare, and that's not true. That's stereotyping us. Believe it or not Jersum, I've never received welfare for my 3 children_even when their dead-beat "black father" would stop paying his child support. Every single black woman wasn't Bay Bay's twin sista! You mentioned you think it's absurd for me to have made the statement that I want a man more befitting of my education, well Jersum that's exactly what the black men say when they get their degrees and become success, even though it may have been a black woman who helped him get where he is, but after he acquires his degree, he wants a white woman. My children never lived in any housing project either, which is also a stereotype given to us. I was a traveling Nurse, and my children have lived in more places than alot of people. So, I guess the best way to acknowledge the black stereotypes is just to say black men and women are stereotyped more often than not by their own kind.
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Jersum says:Posted: 30 Mar 09
Toree18, I can understand your frustrations, but I feel that it is wrong to lump all black men in the category of not being chivalrous. Those are just the examples of BLACK men that you have dated, and believe it or not there are many Chris Brown's in every race and nationality including the one's that you have decided to seek out. Just because you have dated a Hispanic man in the past that treated you well, doesn't necessarily mean that the next one will too. I also think that you are absolutely absurd in saying and I quote, "I want a man more befitting of my education", is that to say that black men don't fit into that category? I'm not trying to come down on you, I am just stating my opinion, while asking some questions of my own. I also felt a twinge of disgust for the ignorance that came from the comment by ffbfbfb, but he's just that ignorant and should not taint this website with his obliviousness.
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Toree18 says:Posted: 30 Mar 09
Uphoria3 I just want to say I agree with you, but on the flip side of that I am seeking a man of color who IS NOT BLACK. I have dated Black men most of my life and you're right, for some reason they think we don't deserve to have our chair pulled out from the table, or we don't deserve to have the door opened for us. We won't even talk about the Black men who like to beat on their women i.e.Chris Brown. I have had enough and I finally decided to do something about it, I'm looking for a Hispanic/Latino. I've had one before and he treated me very good. No more uneducated men for me, I need my man to come to the table with the same education level I have. If he doesn't have the same education level, he's going to have to be like prince charming to me. So, hears to all you Black men who don't think we are good enough for your education and success, I'm not going to date a Black man, because I want a man more befitting of my education too!! P.S. ffbfbfb, tell your Black brother-in law that!!
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Greekaussie says:Posted: 29 Mar 09My goodness uphoria3, your 'stat' of "black players in basketball, 3% of the spouse of basketball players are black." is sooo off the mark, it's laughable. More like 97% of their wives are BLACK. -------------------- As for the topic at hand, the Asian man / black female trend apparently has been gaining in popularity. This Asian man in the video, married to a black female, explains why he thinks so... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pDAWmcAatM
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Mia says:Posted: 26 Mar 09
I would like to say to "uphoria3" THANK YOU. You've said the truth with "Where all the successful Black Men at and as to why are there don't settle down with their own". That is one of the reasons why I always have dated outside my race because I would have limited myself. So again your comment pretty much said it all to men who are confused with why these men are dating/marry other than black women.
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uphoria3 says:Posted: 26 Mar 09
ffbfbfb, I thank you for your imput, but you must realize you're looking from the outside in and basically you don't have the observational skills to be making such statements objectively. Putting that aside, at the risk of sounding like the stereotypical black woman which I hate more than anything because I think that's one of our biggest problems, I'm going to give you my take on why your sister found a nice black guy and why black women can't seem to. It's simple; she's white. I'm pretty sure she's a nice person and I would even go as far to say that your sister and her husband are happy and in love, or at least I wish them to be. But what it comes down to is that she's not black and it's way easier to be loved and cherished by a good black man than it is say me. Studies going back for decades have shown a correlation between a black man's success and his choice is partner. The more successful and educated a black man is, he has a 48% (est.) of chosing a non-black partner. You don't even need stats to tell you that, just look at most professional sports; for example, with all the black players in basketball, 3% of the spouse of basketball players are black. Why? Can't really say. I try not to make guesses about these things because people are sensitive. I'm all for interracial relationships, obviously, but with numbers like that glaring me in my face everyday it makes me pity the black women I've left behind. I refused to date black men because we don't get along, I guess dad issues, and also with stats stacked in favor of me being a starter wife, I figured just cut my losses. But what about all those closed minded black women out there that refused to get off the Titanic of all men? I've always marveled at how a black man can have an accomplished black wife, but as soon as he gets a little status, he picks up the first non-black woman he sees (OJ anyone). Not only that, they treat them whay better than they would a black woman. Like that show that Tyra Banks did where she did an experiment by having a white woman date a black man and a white man, then wear dark makeup and pretend to be a black woman on another date with a white man and a black man. I don't know why anyone was shocked about what the results were, but the white man didn't seem to care either which way what race his date was, but the black guy was nicer, gentler, more romantic with the white woman and then when on a date with the darker version of her he talked to her like she was a slut, was very obnxious and crude, and refused to pay the check unless he was getting something out of it. The woman acted no differently on either dates and never didn't anything to deserve such treatment. I might have exaggerated it a bit, but it's basically what happened and I was very proud of Tyra for bringing light to the issue and handling it so well. So for you to make this assessment of black women only dating thugs, for whatever reason, though understandable from you perspective , it is clearly untrue. We date what we can find to keep the black race going and because we don't know we have options out there. Most black women have low self esteem because black men make them seem so undesirable and the rest of the world tags along with their propaganda because who else knows any race woman than the same race man. So, black women go on thinking that black men are the only ones that will every accept them, even going as far as to stay in bad relationships. I've seen women as accomplished as CEOs of they're own companies marry black men without college degrees because they know that high up in the game that they are in black men wouldn't want them. How sad and humiliating! Of course the power struggle will ensue in the relationship and yet another single mother is created, just another statistic for others judge us by.
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ffbfbfb says:Posted: 25 Mar 09
im a white guy and my sister is married to a successful educated black men. i was wondering how come a girl like my sister, who never associated with black people; managed to find a nice blk guy, but for some reason you black women can't. it seems someone needs to stop dating tugs so much
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LilRod says:Posted: 24 Mar 09Hey Black female and Asian Male think they got it hard well try being a Gay Black male who is attracted to Asian men.(hhmm) Now that's truly a RARE interracial relationship to find or experience. Yo finding a open Gay Asian male is like searching for a rare gem off in Asia somewhere. lol Not only are you not accepted for being Gay but you get turned down for being Black and Gay as well. The biggest "Taboo" in society is people like ME and so I rest my case because this can be a whole another topic to start ....
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kiki says:Posted: 15 Mar 09
Jersum, I'm glad to hear that racial prejudism isn't affecting you and your man. I'd like to say that I'm not bigoted, but that would be a lie. I'm of the opinion that we're all prejudicial to some exent, some more so than others. Strangely enough, I picked up most of my prejudices regarding race, not from my upbringing, but from my experiences as I grew older. Ironically, it was my relationship with a Black woman that cemented my most deep seated prejudicial attitudes towards Blacks (the men in particular). You see, my first wife was White, as well a number of my previous girlfriends, and not once do I recall getting any grief from any White people, even when we lived in Georgia and Louisiana. My current wife is a Latina, as were some of my other ex-girlfriends. Once again, no one ever bother either of us. But the one time I dated a Black woman.... the racial floodgates were opened, primarily from Black men but then again, even her mother initially had a problem with me (but that might have been because I was 10 years her senior). Hence my opinion that Blacks in general are just as racist, if not more so, than other ethnic groups.... I can attest to the fact that the ones in Arizona sure were. That being said, I truly am glad that you're not going through the same BS we did. Maybe things have changed since the 90s when all this happened, but I doubt it. Tribalism is an inate part of the human condition and though attitudes may change, human nature does not. Still, I wish the best for you and your fiance. Kiki
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andromeda says:Posted: 15 Mar 09
Yes, its true Asian men and Black women seem to be lost in the frey when it comes to what is considered datable, desirable, exotic. But, as with all things that is because of the images that are portayed of us in the American media. For black women, we have some positive black females out in the public eye but most of them are light skinned. Halle Berry, Beyonce, Tyra Banks, etc. There are a few darker skinned or brown skinned women, Gabrielle Union, Taraji Henson, Nia Long. But outside of "black" films and magazines with the exception of Hally Berry, we are rarely portrayed as the sex symbol. We are marginalized as the head poppin, finger snappin, fill in the blank. Reality tv portrays us as bitches. Look at Omarosa, who is a very attractive sister, but she played what I consider the "modern day Mamie" which is the Black middle class Bitch. As for Asian men, outside of Jet Li, and Chow Yun Fat, you see them as the quirky, braniac, silly, non-sexual figure, Jackie Chan comes to mind. Never do you see them as sexy or attractive either. There are some sexy Asian men out there. If you rent movies from Japan, China, etc. you see them playing the male romantic lead. Not here, hardly ever. I guarantee that if 10 movies were put out per year that centered the dark skinned sisters and Asian men as the romantic lead, if runways, magazines and television shows portrayed them as the sexy, alluring, non-stereotypes then you would see a surge in people's attraction. Now, its not as acceptable because its just not out there. Its a sad truth. In the meantime, we both need to take our blinders off and just be more open minded. For me personally, as a black woman I sometimes feel ignored by men of other races. I dont know if they are attracted and afraid to say something or just that they don't see me. Honestly, haven't quite decided what's worst quite yet.
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Jersum says:Posted: 13 Mar 09
I am an African American Woman and almost three years ago I fell in love with the most beautiful Filipino man, and we have been happy ever since. He is honestly the best man I have ever met, in all aspects of who he is, and I look forward to marrying him early next year. We have built a strong and everlasting relationship like no other, and we are devoted and in love, and nothing else matters. All of those stereotypes do not apply to my man, he has it going on and he is all mine :)
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kiki says:Posted: 12 Mar 09
Just to throw my two cents in... I'm an ethnic Filipino man. Back in the day when I was young, hot and single (hehe), I had a tendency to attract the attention of black women. Some let it be known that they were attracted to me rather openly. Others I found out through the grapevine. I never really had a preference towards anyone one ethnic group. After all, a hottie is a hottie regardless of skin color. But since a lot of Black women saw fit to flatter me in this way, I developed a soft spot in my heart for them over the years. Anyway, once I dated a black woman in Arizona who had taken the initiatve and asked me out (how could I say no to such audacity?). She was easily one of the most beatuiful women I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. We had a lot of fun while it lasted, but we came across a good deal of hostility from... you guessed it, black men. It seems to me that the brothers don't have a problem with dating outside their race, but they can't stand it when a non-Black dates one of their women (especially the beautiful ones). Anyway, I didn't marry the girl (we didn't have all that much in common due to an age difference of a decade) so in the end I guess it doesn't really matter . But I just wanted to go on record and point out the hypocrisy these "men" exhibited towards us. Okay, yeah I still have a little bit of a grudge :P
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To fkoi: I just read your comment from April 6. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the wit and sincerity in my Camouflaged yet Naughty post. Lololololol.