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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Are Millennial Women Absolutely Deluding Themselves About Dating.

Posted by Christelyn, 01 Jun

I’ve recently made a commitment to myself to read more. In an effort to have some accountability in that department, I bought a subscription to the New York Times weekend edition. I absolutely MUST look through the entire newspaper and read at least five articles before I toss them in the recycle bin. It’s Tuesday, but I’m reading Sunday’s edition. Because well…of what I just said.

In the article I’m reading now (yes; I’m reading it now and was so miffed I stopped to write about this WTF-ery. The author, Lauren Peterson, is lamenting the fact that dating apps like Bumble, that allow for the woman to make the first move with potential suitors, is leaving her with namby-pamby, limp-wristed men who are ambivalent about anything serious.

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Lauren says this:

"Every Monday night for the next month, I would stuff my contact lens solution into my backpack and walk to Michael’s apartment. He’d lean against my shoulder as we watched movies in his barren living room, which he decided not to decorate because he had signed only a one-year lease. “No point when it’s so temporary,” he said.
Everything about us was temporary. We would talk a little, watch a little and then go to bed. In the morning, I would zip up my coat while he asked, “Heading out?”
I would nod and say, “Thanks for the toast.”"

Oh my God. “Thanks for the toast?!” I may be old, but I’m absolutely disgusted by the modern millennial woman’s lack of expectations and the total hook-up culture that supposed to be more gender equitable.

Let’s face facts–it’s not. When you completely de-incentivize a man’s innate desire to pursue and think you’re somehow empowering yourself by sleeping with men with absolutely no commitment and end up thanking them for TOAST, you’re losing, chick. Men no longer have to do ANYTHING and get everything. This is better than what, exactly? At least prostitutes get paid and can buy their own toast.

Another issue that isn’t NEARLY discussed enough is how women have a hardwired desire to bond with the men they’re sleeping with. The author mentions this. “For a month, I was totally in control. Then one morning, as I returned to my apartment, my hand paused on the doorknob. Instead of considering the warm shower I was about to take, or even dreading the slog of classes that awaited me, I was still thinking about Michael.” Yes honey; because your women’s studies classes and junior membership at NOW won’t fight your biology.

When Lauren finally told her hookup “I like you,” after giving him no-strings-required sex for a month, you know what he told her? Do you?! “I like you too…It’s just that I’m apprehensive about the commitment.” Uh huh. Sadly, her declaration of like ended the six-week bed Olympics. Wow…so…telling someone you like them after you’ve been sleeping with them for a month is a deal breaker?

Y'all crazy.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.