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Black women on interracial dating

Posted by Ria, 22 May

black women interracial datingPeople usually have different views when it comes to interracial dating. I'm sure you too have your own. How does seeing people of the opposite race and opposite sex holding hands on the streets make you feel? Angry, happy, envious?

I was once having lunch with my truly black girls at a restaurant when a black woman and a white man walked on by. One of them went,“Let other people do it but personally, I cannot date a white man. White men date black women because they look down upon them. I'm not about to kiss some pink ass᾿ :roll: Yeah… I almost chocked on hearing those words.

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According to studies carried out recently, black women are less likely to engage in interracial relationships as opposed to their male counterparts. John Tierney, the author of the survey concluded, "It's not that white men are more reluctant to date non-whites, it's that black women are less willing to date someone of another race." Well the video below makes us see why.

Men are generally willing to date someone of another race, but women are more reluctant, especially African-American women. The researcher also found that women of different races generally agreed with one another in rating the various men’s attractiveness. However they were less willing to date a man of another race even when he was just as attractive as a man of their own race.

So, does this make interracial dating acceptance somewhat a gender issue? Will I be right to conclude as per this study that it’s not just black women who are reluctant to date interracially but all women in general? And if so, what factors influence this reluctance in women then?

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306 responses to "Black women on interracial dating"

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  1.   Bree says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 07

    Having a background in psychology, it's actually more accurate to say that white women who are more insecure with themselves. I don't feel threatened by a white woman, and most black women feel the same way. Black women tend to have an overall positive self image. As far as the media's influence, I blame parents for not instilling self esteem in a black child male or female. I was raised in a home with both of my parents (who are still together) who grew up during segregation. My parents instilled in me a great sense of black awareness. I don't buy my child white dolls. We live a mostly white neighborhood and she attends a majority white school. When she turns on the television or picks up a magazine, the women are white if they aren’t white they are usually close to it. Self esteem? Allot of black men have self esteem issues. Usually they feel threatened by my intelligence and confidence. People mistake them (black men) as being confident (black men tend to mask their insecurities with cockiness which brings on the illusion of confidence) but they are usually insecure because they feel inferior despite what they may have accomplished. This has allot to do with society's expectations of them. There a 3 large publicly traded companies who run prisons that are being privatized. States actually look at the reading scores of 3rd grade boys because they correlate with the potential to lead a life of crime later. Societies doent hold a black man in high regard at all. Sure white women are placed on a pedestal but its black women who are making strides and society doesn’t mind that. Some black men with graduate degrees feel inferior and are afraid to look a white man in the face out of fear just as much as a black man off of the street. I have always been attracted to white men which is weird because for the most part I am pro-black. All a white man has to do is except our cultural differences because everything else isn’t about color; it’s about a man and a woman. I view white men as very confident. However I view allot of black men as weak. If you lay down with dogs you will get fleas, which leads me to ask where do you find these black women that are just so difficult and have all of these issues? You speak as though that is the norm. To our credit black women are portrayed in a negative light by the media. We are either loud, ghetto, and boisterous, or we are objectified sexually. This transcends into people’s psyche and leads to unfair stereotypes and expectations. There are so many that have pleasant and mild attitudes that want nothing more than to help you take on the world. I would date a black man if he had a great deal of self pride. As far as black men with white women who cares, usually it's a black man who feels inferior anyway who feels validated and important if he is with a white woman. Apparently that’s why black men feel that they need white women, so they can feel special. I need a strong man in my life and sadly I can’t usually find that strength in a black man.

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  2.   cecil says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 07

    I've found in my experience that black women seem to be more insecure about themselves, because of beauty images in the media. It seems like no one except black women these days will vocally, openly oppose interracial marriage. They seem to feel as though white women are 'stealing' their men. Yet at the same time, black women will launch into tirades on how the black man is no good, unreliable, and a dog. This creates a morass of hostility that I as a black male find highly unattractive, and I just don't want to get involved with people that are so negative. I'm always more at ease with white women who (generally) are non-hostile and are more likely to have their lives together.

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  3.   DTreece says:
    Posted: 09 Jun 07

    If someone is constantly listening for some slur or negative remark they will find it, even if it wasn't meant as such. Like, men of my generation and background, we are not exactly the most erudite of people, and something may be said that is hurtful to someone else in total innocence, and ignorance, that it IS hurtful. Lighten up, stop looking for the jabs that are not there, and guard against the ones that DO carry hate in their hearts for others, simply based on race, religion or gender. No matter who they are. Thing is, and this applies to specifically to myself, and generally to many others, if we care enough about someone to want to be with them, then we care enough to not want to hurt them in any way. Finally, who is passing out that BS about black women not being as attractive as white ones? If that were my opinion, would I be here? Come on now. Looking down on a woman because she is black? Again, BS..follow your heart, not your ears. I am just a dumb old redneck country boy, but I can figure some things out; like what is real and what is pure dee manure.

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  4.   Fancy says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 07

    Hello Thomas, Did you check out that site? Here is two more... http://bfinterracialmarriage.blogspot.com/ http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/

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  5.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 07

    fancy, what do you think about this topic?

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  6.   fancy says:
    Posted: 05 Jun 07

    Interesting site. http://whitemenforblackwomen.blogspot.com/

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  7.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 05 Jun 07

    It seems that the old barriers between black and white are still bigger in USA than in Europe.

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  8.   Bree says:
    Posted: 05 Jun 07

    I am a black woman and I have always found white men to be irresistable. I live in the south, so because of an overall diffence in attitude it's harder for me to date them. I am attracted to their strange or dare I say corny sense of humor. And to me they are more confident instead of cocky. And of course I am attraced to them physically. My black female friends who don't date white men are worried about family and society's expaectations. And they also feel as though they SHOULD be with a black man regardless.

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  9.   just_in_time says:
    Posted: 04 Jun 07

    What's wrong with skin color playing into an attraction with a woman? I like contrasts, just as women I have dated in the past have. I'm a blonde-haired, blue-eyed devil and it seems like there are some sisters out there who really dig that. No one is saying anything negative about these differences. I know I'm not.

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  10.   Lars4fun says:
    Posted: 03 Jun 07

    After 15 years years of having black women in my life (i.e., dating AND marriage), I have noticed something in light of this interesting study. It seems to me that "American" black women are more hesitant to date outside their race than are black women from (or with a background from) other countries. My ex is from Jamiaca, as an example, and the black/white thing was a total non-issue between us. And since our divorce, I have found American women have been less open to the idea of dating white than those raised in Caribbean, Europe, etc. But does speak to American black women or does this speak to America's history with blacks in general. Another issue raised is how does one go about meeting like minded people? If my preference was for 'men' and not women of colour, it would be far easier to find like minded people -- there are bars, night clubs, cruise lines, even neighborhoods that cater to that population. In short, if black women are less likely to consider dating white men, how can someone go about meeting those women who are open to such a relationship?

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  11.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 03 Jun 07

    Joe, Sometimes love and war is erotic. LOL

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  12.   joe says:
    Posted: 02 Jun 07

    we are still trapped by categories - we are human first all the categories were created by fear and ignorance in all races. I date blk women because i find them having a equaly male side allowing them to be a mans friend and confidant. there life experiene also hightens there capacity for love of course a generalization but my 25 year experience dating black women is at time love or war but inside they are the true mother of the world. celebrate them Joeyboy

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  13.   ladylight says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 07

    I am a white girl, and being white has always been a problem for me to date black men. Why? Cause I never thought they could be anywhere near interested in this white ass of mine. I met so many nice black men who made my heart beat faster. but because the thoughts i had i didnt see the possibilities. Me, i thought I was dull, less, boring etc. That really changed since I have met my lovely female ( black)friends, they really opened my eyes regarding dating black men. They took me out and said to me, look at that guy there he digs you. I was stunned, to see that they were wright, this beautiful dark man with a gorgeous smile and the most sympathic eyes I've ever seen smiled at me,God bless my friends! SO I just want to say. It is not only black girls who deals with these issues, white as. And I am so happy I have overcome it. All my love

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  14.   manhattanman says:
    Posted: 31 May 07

    I am a white man who finds the African origin women very attractive and I had a long term relationship with a woman from Ghana. Much of this reverse bias, that black women don't date outside there race, hurts their choice because I believe that it can work and be right for both partners

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  15.   Not-Shy-TC says:
    Posted: 30 May 07

    ...ER......Glad To Read Peeps Being Mo Pacific....

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  16.   seekhonesty says:
    Posted: 30 May 07

    The one thing i will never understand is the black and white issue. If you love someone it isnt because they are black or white or rich or smart. Underneath we are all humans, and if we treated each other like that we would all be better off. I think we should stop seeing color, size and status and start seeing a person with a heart and a mind and feelings. I am happy for anyone who finds love, i dont care what color you are or arent.

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  17.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 30 May 07

    Fala, Flaming woman seeks asbetos suited man for tender moments and BBQ. Applicants must be willing to withstand xtreme heat and ready to be consumed by flames on a moments notice. Note: I am not interested in being your fiery experiment so if you have never dated a flamethrower look elsewhere.

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  18.   fala says:
    Posted: 30 May 07

    Flame thrower? I like that. Can I add it to my profile?

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  19.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 29 May 07

    Dear Mossimo, NO, I am not saying that all white men are followers. Many are pioneers and great leaders. Or is it prisoners and great looters? Just kidding! As a woman who has travelled, lived near, gone to school with White men, and as a history buff, I am comfortable saying that my point of views are very expanded and right on target. I will even go furter to say that yes many men of other races including black, asian and latino men can include themselves in the follower category. Depending on what country they are from and culture maybe less of a follower or more so. Yes, I focus on White men because 1.) The topic of discussion was black women dating white men and 2.) These are the men that I HAD a main interest in. Also, White men are running this society and determining the standard of beauty. Hell, white men keep changing the damn clocks back and forth. Not to mention the fact that the White male run American and British government is allowing itself to be controlled by corporations - which is the biggest issue for me. You don't have to like me, just don't sell the damn country out! And what's with the, "I'm going to vote straight Democrat/Republican because I'm a Dem/Repub and that's what we are suppose to do"? The point is to vote for the candidate that has the best interest for the people and country. And this applys to everyone. RON PAUL 2008

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  20.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 29 May 07

    We're really cookin now with Chef Jade!

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  21.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 29 May 07

    At the moment it is not really hot in here.

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  22.   fala says:
    Posted: 29 May 07

    Is it hot in here or is it just me?

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  23.   ChillyChad says:
    Posted: 29 May 07

    As for the black women who are afraid of getting involved with white men because some racist comment may slip, it's your job to ask, "What did you mean by that comment?" Be honest. Ask questions. But don't outright judge that person or become bitter if you think you've been slighted in a racial way. It's preposterous to think that ALL people don't have some kind of bigotry in them, and it's even more preposterous to turn a blind eye to someone we're very attracted to because "That's not what I was taught by mom or dad, or society, or my teacher or television or whatever." I'm a black man, and I think black women need to lighten up on interracial dating. Black women, you are beautiful, dark skin, light skin, all of you. Everyone of every race and culture is beautiful in god's eyes, and each person has to follow their own heart. Black people need to put a lid on being so sensitive and delicate about being "insulted" by others from another race. Stop being a powerless and "woe is me" type of person and take control of your life!

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  24.   Jade74 says:
    Posted: 28 May 07

    We have the pot and flame now where is the meat. lol

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  25.   Mistersuave1 says:
    Posted: 28 May 07

    I suppose I'm a stereotypical middle-class white male living in the UK and I've dated both black and white women. I don't know whether the two racial groups are more or less integrated here than in the US but I've never had the impression that any black women I dated felt uncomfortable dating me specifically because of my race. They may have felt uncomfortable for other reasons, possibly my sense of humour, but that's another thread, I think. It does seem to depend on the cultural context of the country you're in. For instance, I married a Moroccan woman who I'd met while she was in the UK on business. Whilst we were in the UK there were no problems at all, neither between the two of us nor from any external source. However, once we went to Morocco to meet her family, things were rather different. I was racially abused in the street whilst out with her, waiters would ignore us all evening unless we physically accosted them and I noticed that my wife-to-be seemed to be making excuses to her family and friends for why she was marrying me and not a Moroccan. All rather sobering, but my point is that her attitude and behaviour changed when the cultural context changed. On the subject of ReyneDelay's remark concerning white men being followers, it pains me to admit that there may be some truth in that! However, I would go further and say that most MEN are followers, period. The instinct to conform seems to be stronger in the male of the species, which probably goes some way towards explaining why a few total b*****d alpha males manage to get the rest of us jumping through hoops.

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  26.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 28 May 07

    Fala, You have never been a pot stirer!! Flame thrower perhaps...haha

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  27.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 28 May 07

    Rayne, I am not going to delve into the stereotypical aspects of your post. I will simply say that you need to expand your point of view and think of other cultures before making blanket statements. I can think of some other cultures that are far more opposed to interracial dating than white American men. Are they followers too? Do they take the cake? or is it only white men in your view?

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  28.   Whitney says:
    Posted: 27 May 07

    Honestly as a private school educated black woman living in Detroit, I have always like guys of other races and have never had a problem with interracial dating. I do find however that most white men like their black girlfriends to be darker than I am, which is hurtful. I am just the right color for Latinos however, and that's nice. :) I wish it didn't have to come down to how much melanin I have/don't have though. I've had quite a few non-black guys miss out on what could have been a beautiful thing.

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  29.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 27 May 07

    WOO HOO! Interesting debate :) I think I'll pop some corn and sit in the corner and watch :)

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  30.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 27 May 07

    Hello Peach, I think you are more afraid of what you think white guys are thinking of you. Race will be an issue and we do not live in a color blind society. There are some really wonderful men out their of any race. I have been looking for a white guy and now find myself head over heels over a black guy. But being with a black man does not guarantee that you will not experience colorism. I am light brown during the winter yellow and during the summer medium brown skinned. I spent the day at an outdoor concert. The guy that was interested in me noticed right away that my skin color had changed for the darker. He just could not get it, him being dark skinned and all. I think that was an issue for him. I find that the darker I get the more heads I turn with white men. When I am yellow bright black men love me. Oh well!

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  31.   isys19 says:
    Posted: 27 May 07

    Wow, I too didn't know some black women were like that. However, I do understand it to a certain extent. With me I've always been attracted to white guys, it's not a big deal.

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  32.   Peach says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    I live in nyc but I find myself very afraid of white guys. Some are attractive.. but it just seems like many harbor some type of racism. Even if it's a bit hidden, it's still there.

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  33.   SAMMY_D_LUV says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    Oh I like bow legged women too lol But not a requirement lol

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  34.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    BUH HA HA HA SAM, I thought you were trying to say that you prefered bo legged women. You men like that bo legged stuff.

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  35.   SAMMY_D_LUV says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    err umm ment black women not bolack lol--

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  36.   SAMMY_D_LUV says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    I guess i'v never been to much of a follower and more of a rebel against the norm because i'v dated black women on an off for as long as i'v been old enough to date lol And I'v always thought that it's personel choices-i'v dated most races/colors just prefer bolack women. So I"ll continue to lead not follow lol To bad more don't follow there heart an forget what others think!

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  37.   fala says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    Go on Rayne! Stir the pot! That's what this site needs - more agitators. I get sick of being the only one.

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  38.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    Well Mossimo, many are. Too many people are followers in this society. But white men take the cake. Damn Shame!

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  39.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 25 May 07

    White men are followers?? Talk about sterotyping.

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  40.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 25 May 07

    Yes Fala, that's correct.

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  41.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 25 May 07

    PURE PROPAGANDA GARBAGE! It is my belief that both black women and white men were attracted and interested in dating each other. Unfortunatley, race is still and issue between the two due to our history and the ongoing negativiity that the media pushes about black women. I also find many white men to be a bit intimidated by black women. Most white men tend to be followers not leaders. They tend to go with the crowd not strike out their own path in life. That's tough for me as I like a strong, opinionated man who knows his own mind and can tell someone in no uncertain terms what they can go do if they get in his face about how to run his life. And black women seem to care too much about what people think of them especially the physical atributes. This film is way off, just because black women say and act like they don't want men of other races does not mean that it's true. And the same is true for white men.

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  42.   fala says:
    Posted: 25 May 07

    Ok, Thomas. That's the great thing about the internet - the opportunities to meet new people and learn new things! Guten Tag!

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  43.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 24 May 07

    I've always thought that more white men weren't interested in black women than the other way around. As a white man, I get to hear the conversations that some white men have and to me it seems many might be interested in sex or dating a woman as long as their friends and family won't find out. Perhaps that will change with time.

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  44.   wawa says:
    Posted: 24 May 07

    here's an interesting website about black women and interracial dating: http://bfinterracialmarriage.blogspot.com/

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  45.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 24 May 07

    Hello Fala, thank you for the answer. I am from Germany and we have here not as many black poeple as in the USA. However, there will be more and more and I think it is okay. The rate of divorces in Germany was 51,9 % in 2005. I do not have statistics for bi-racial couples which we also have more and more. I think that it is not a problem to have a bi-racial relationship in Germany but both, man and woman, have to work on the relationship.

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  46.   briteyes227 says:
    Posted: 24 May 07

    I am new to interracial dating by choice. I was reluctant at first because of fear of being rejected by men of different races, because we (black women) were not "seen" as attractive and of course, the old saying that we (black women) are only wanted for our "sexual" prowess. Little did I know! Once I opened up to the possibilities, I was proven wrong. I find men of other races to be refreshing, honest and very sincere.

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  47.   frenchie says:
    Posted: 24 May 07

    white men all the way woo hoo!

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  48.   fala says:
    Posted: 24 May 07

    Thomas, I'm from the USA where women did not have the right to vote until 1920 and black women weren't assured of the right to vote until 1965. Here in the USA, by conservative estimates, women’s standard of living after divorce drops 27 percent. Divorced, single-parent families headed by women are four times more likely to be poor than intact ones. The loss of a husband’s income can pose tremendous hardships on a woman and her children. In the USA a high school girl who gets pregnant is often ostrasized, characterized as a slut or even forced to leave school until her pregnancy has ended. High school boys on the other hand, face few if any penalties for impregnanting their female classmates. On the contrary - they are not banned from school sports or any other activities and often considered by their peers as a "stud" for sleeping with as many as possible. Now, Thomas, certainly women here in the USA do much better than in countries where the women are forced by law to walk around covered from head to toe or barred by law from getting an education or subjected to the barbarism of genital mutilation, but if you honestly believe men and women have the same choices in any aspect of life - try checking out the website of the United Nations Inter-Agency Network on Women and Gender Equality (IANWGE) - www.un.org/womenwatch. You might find some of the articles illuminating.

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  49.   Kiye says:
    Posted: 23 May 07

    Why does it always come done to black and white? In most of the posts on here and even generally, dating interracial is seen as dating someone white. Yet there are hispanic people, and asian people out there who are of a different race just to name a few that have no been mentioned or talked about.I think the reason why black women are hesitant to date interacially is because they think of dating interracially as dating a white person rather than someone of a different race their race that can be someone white or non-white.

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  50.   Guy says:
    Posted: 23 May 07

    As a WM I prefer Black Women, not to generalize as everyone is an individual, seem on average to have a better personality, are not afraid to ask for what they want, and often they are better built. Wish more would find and express interest in WM.

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