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Raising kids and interracial dating

Posted by Ria, 01 Sep

Is it o.k. to condition your children's dating preferences?

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A family friend of mine who is black and married to a black dude keeps telling her 8 year old daughter that she should get married to a white dude. Much as I am PRO-interracial dating, I don't believe its right to condition our children's preferences ... especially when they are too young to understand what dating is. So their father treats the mother like s*** but does that make all black men bad :roll: ? How many women have been married to black men and are wallowing in marital bliss?

Is it o.k to condition our children into dating and/or marrying interracially?

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13 responses to "Raising kids and interracial dating"

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  1.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 09

    Being 60 years of age ; I will say that in all these years of life , I have Loved my parents for bringing me into this world and nurturing me in my younger years and by showing me the way to be Honest / Legal in all my ventures . May God Bless them as they are long past now . Alas all my decisions in Life were made by me starting at the age of 18 and being Disabled ( that is a condition where many are discriminated upon with no help available ) Nor did I ask for any . I became a Man early in life / as if I have it , it was gained through hard work from my hands . We need to quit asking for help and get up and make changes for ourselves / Grow up so to speak . Blame no one for our Faults but Ourselves . My God times have changed for the better , let's help them move along . Some THINGS in my life worked out better than others . I have lived a Marvelous life by showing Total Respect for all others . In conclusion ; Have found it was the ones of my own race who I helped in their time of need / Who could not be trusted . Our four daughters have yet to marry , when they do it will be of their own choices as it should be .

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  2.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 09

    Agree. I have a nephew whom is bi-racial. Mother is white. Father is Black. My nephew was raised primarily on his father's side of the family which is black. My nephew since the age of 10 has always adored white girls. His first crush was on Brittany Spears. We allowed him to post a giant poster of her in his bed room. I think children naturally will decide the type of person they want. I think it is important to give them the right to chose without influencing their preferences.

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  3.   Member says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 08

    Well excuse me but i don't recall everyone being fit to raise a child once adulthood is reached.

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  4.   maria says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 08

    The woman was completely wrong to do what she did, going around telling her child to choose who to love and not to. When she is old enough to understand then sure but will only get her doing the opposite. Just because of her mothers relationships not ending the way she wanted them to doesnt mean she should condition and teach her child who to love and who not to. The daughter should end up just going out there and finding someone who treats her well and who she can love. It doesnt matter about the colour of the skin its whats behind the colour of the skin that counts mostly. And thats how its supposed to be.

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  5.   Licious says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 08

    Society has often govern our behavior and ways of thinking, however, we should not allow our kids to follow in that direction. As parents we need to teach our kids right and wrong. We should not condition our kids to choose one race or another as that could lead to them thinking one race is better than the other. As a mother of three hispanic mixed , I have taught my kids to love and be kind to everyone they meet. What ever their choices when they reach the age of dating I will accept. In school they have been hated upon by the african americans, because of they skin color and hair texture, but I have told them to still treat them with kindness as they Know no better. Its what they were taught by their parents or sometimes what they have heard or seen they parents do. I think your friend was wrong for the way she went about dealing with her situation. She should have taught her daughter to make sure she is loved in what ever relationship she gets in no matter the race.

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  6.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 08

    please tell that friend of yours not to take her frustration on the daughter..It may make the girl avery bitter wife

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  7.   Situations says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 08

    Just because an individual member of some categorical group exhibits some characteristic doesn't imply anything for certain about the group. All you can really do based on a personal experience like that is assume the least--that there is at least one black man who is not a good husband. It doesn't mean anything about any other black man. You could make an argument about dating white men citing reasons like roughly 1/3 of black men will go to prison or jail (often for violent crime such as domestic violence) or that white families tend to have a positive income differential of $70,000 or so over black families (I think the statistics themselves are questionable). But just like an individual group member's characteristics don't imply anything for certain about the group, the group's characteristics don't imply anything for certain about an individual in that group. It's possible for a girl to be involved with poor, abusive, criminal white men and decent, hard-working, caring black men. Fortunately it is not the mother's choice who her daughter dates when she becomes an adult, and she can choose a partner based on her own tastes and preferences and not those of her mother.

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  8.   jeansnsilk says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 08

    It seems to me that the friend mentioned at the beginning of this blog isn't as concerned with her daughter finding the right man for HER, as she's crying over her own poor choice of mates. I believe if she had married white and he wasn't treating her well, the concept would be the same...be sure to marry black, honey. Age 8 is too young to be trying to decipher what Mama is and isn't saying here, but not too young to see what is going on at home. Kids are usually, as a whole, smarter than we give them credit for being. Blaming her situation on the color of her spouse's skin is sort of like blaming the telephone for an obscene call. Mama should be more concerned about raising a daughter savvy enough not to repeat her mistakes but to learn from them and making sure that daughter chooses a good man, regardless of the color of his skin.

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  9.   Akira43017 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 08

    I would definitely agree that one should never condition their children's preference of who to date based on race. It is totally unfair and creates boundaries for them. Teaching young men and young women (not 8 yr olds) to look at the core values that a perspective mate possess and how that aligns with their core values is key. I concur with Sundae713, enriching children with experiences that are very diverse will speak volumes in their choice for a mate later in life. Even if their mate happens to be black, the relationship they enter into will probably be a lot different or they will realize it is not for them and will end it before it affects their children. I would say that the 8 year old right now needs to only wory about dating Math, Spelling, Reading, Social Studies, and homework.

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  10.   mdwhite9 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 08

    As a single father of two bi-racial children (black/white), I have never pointed my children in one direction or the other and have always felt to do so would be unfair to them and society. I'm white and my daughters are black, but both are very individuals with different tastes in music along with boys. One daughter has dated boys of all races since 7th grade, now in 11th, coming to the understanding she prefers a black man. The other daughter who is now 18 gets dreamy over white boys with blonde hair or that are a skate boarder type. My oldest daughter does not care to date a black boy, but has in the past along with hispanic and asians. I myself have dated other than white and black women to which both my daughters have witnessed as they have grown. My belief I have always given my girls is to look past the color or features of a person to what is in side of them and the values that person exhibits. As we sit and watch an evening news cast and the Georgian Republic is one, again I'm stressed those people just want to raise their children to be good productive people just as our family and friends. Shame on those parents that would paint an opinion of another person solely based upon color...how shallow can they get.

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  11.   Sundae713 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 08

    I think it's kind of racist to condition a child against dating a particular race simply because of the actions of one bad man. HOWEVER there are particular patterns that may arise from certain environments. For example, I'm sure that a black guy who grew up in the "hood" viewing women in a particular way is not going to treat them the same as say Seal who's married to Heidi Klum. Likewise I'm sure David Bowie treats Iman way better than the white millionaire who killed his black wife some years back. Some say love knows no color. I think love knows ALL colors and cherishes them all. That relative is teaching racism plain and simple.

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  12.   Pia65 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 08

    When I was growing up my mom would pull out the dictionary as a way for us to learn whatever words that we needed the meaning of.....like back then it was called "courtship" which means to "woo" someone that you intend to marry.......Nowadays its called "dating"...just an updated term which has the same meaning....although that wooing doesn't always lead to marriage. Children hear things and they want to know about what goes on in their world. So its up to us adults to relieve their concerns with answers geared to their age. Just like they ask questions parents should be asking why they asked that question in the first place. Then find a simply way to explain it. I don't think its okay to condition children into and/or marrying interracially. IF they were raised that way then they may ask "why not"? Hopefully by the time they are at the age to be married they can make up their own minds with the help of the moral values, etc that parents have instilled in them. I am a black woman and my husband was also black. We were married for 19.5 years before he passed away and since there isn't a perfect marriage ..that I know of..for the most part it was a really good marriage. Love doesn't have a color which means you can be happy with any nationality and ignore people foolish enough to stare at you as though you don't deserve to be happy...Its apparent that they just don't understand your relationship.

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  13.   Warhol says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 08

    What you have written sounds like emotional abuse how can you consider her a friend and most importantly you should tell her what you have written here. Marriage is give and take for better or for worse the race of a hubby has no bearing on his ability to make his wife happy.

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