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She married for money. Is she wrong to expect more?

Posted by Ria, 20 Sep

marrying for money People get married for many reasons. Well, most of us want to get married purely for love. Others try to strike a balance between love and wealth. And some just marry the lavish lifestyle.

A friend of mine confided in me about her marriage; finally admitting that she married her husband because she never thought she would ever meet a man who had almost everything she was looking for in man and the money to back it up. She fell in love with the lifestyle she knew the man was going to provide for her. The only problem was that she never felt any chemistry between them.

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Today, in her third year of marriage, nothing has changed. Just as she had hoped, the man is actually fulfilling the financial part of the relationship; and she has a very comfortable lifestyle. The problem is: she expects more than a good check from her husband. She wants the intimacy (which was scarce even during their heydays), she wants the man to be more sensitive to her needs, she wants the emotional attention women crave for. And her sudden demands for these things are actually affecting their marriage negatively. She feels unappreciated and the dude feels he isn’t good enough for her.

After a lot of soul searching, she realized the other day that she got exactly what she wanted out of marriage: The lifestyle. So half-halfheartedly she told me she was gonna have to accept and live with the choices she made earlier. To be honest, I didn’t know what to tell.

Yes she made that choice of forfeiting chemistry and emotional connection for money. But is it wrong for her to expect and believe she can get more out of her marriage? All your comments and advice will highly be appreciated.

6 responses to "She married for money. Is she wrong to expect more?"

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Pendoasali says:

Posted: 04 Oct 11

Your friend made a bed and so must lie on it.I'm for the wisdom that,if there's something you don't appreciate in a person while courting,then don't go ahead and make life long comittment, unless of course you're ready to live with it.Your friend chose luxury over chemistry and so she must live with it.But am all for optimism.If she learns to communicate her feelings to her husband without being confrontational,she might get something to work with.I hope they both work on their marriage because divorce really sucks.

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Ria says:

Posted: 03 Oct 11

Thanks all for your contribution. @Noplayer, well said. I guess all this will help her decide whether to continue living the lifestyle or move on and find a man who will give her all she desires.

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NOPLAYER says:

Posted: 23 Sep 11

@ Ria – Your friend married this guy for a life style and she ended up with just that! She now wants companionship and intimacy? Why didn’t she marry him for companionship and intimacy instead of marrying him for the life style that he could provide. Was she foolish enough to think that marrying someone with money would automatically guarantee love, devotion and respect? Didn’t she know that some (not all) well to do or wealthy men view wives as nothing more than a show piece and she’s there to complement his success, right along with the big house, the Rolls Royce and maybe to have children for him, particularly a son. Most of these men are not stupid, they know many of these women are marrying for a life style and the security that comes with it. What man wouldn’t find it difficult to truly love and honor a woman when he knows that she wouldn’t have given him the time of day if he were a truck driver and not the owner of a trucking company? The pretending can only go on for so long until the truth really comes out and he or she starts to act out on that truth and that’s when the affairs, the drinking and other forms of emotional sedation comes into play to help him or her cope with the reality that they’re in a loveless and unfulfilling marriage. Your friend should go for a walk with her husband and in a non confrontational manner let her husband know that she’s grateful for all that he’s done for her and he’s been a great husband but as time has changed so has her needs and gently explain to him what those needs are and how happy and satisfied she would be if they could work on those things together and assure him she’s committed to making his life fulfilling as well. Hopefully he’d be willing to at least try to meet her half way but, there’s a chance he’ll fall back on the, “woman I give you everything and what more do you want” defense and dismiss her as being ungrateful and a whiner. Your friend will have to do some soul searching and decide, will she settle for her needs being ignored and stick around for the lifestyle or will she leave and seek the love and intimacy that her heart desires? “TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE” is what comes down to, either way, she’ll only GET what she’s willing to ACCEPT! This is what happens when your build your house on a foundation of mud and sand with the rainy season right around the corner.

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geekgirl412 says:

Posted: 22 Sep 11

It would be very hard for me to settle for a man that I didn't have chemistry with. I once said to a friend who tried to set me up with a doctor here. I told her that, "I can't make love to his money." You can't fake chemistry. I love "love, sensuality, and sex." I can't be with someone that I didn't have that "umpffff" for. When I think of being intimate with someone that I am not in love with, it's like hell. Every little annoyance would be magnified by 10+. However, if you are the type of person that could separate and detach, then go for it!!!! Geekgirl

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NKengee says:

Posted: 22 Sep 11

No, she should not expect to receive love and affection if she is unable to provide it. If she doesn't love the person, she will not be able to truly accept love from them. She got what she wanted, and it sounds like she is unwilling to change. If her request are having a negative impact, then it is more than obvious the man likes the arrangement the way it is. Tell her to go shopping and shut up. Find a charity and get involved in something outside herself, or get divorce #3 and marry again, this time asking for what she really wants.

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odel68 says:

Posted: 21 Sep 11

i believe she has the right to expect more. most people who marry really have no idea what marriage is and don't know what their spouse's idea o f marriage is. my parents were married 45yrs. when i got married i expected everything to be like my parents marriage. what i failed to realize is i wasn't my dad, my now ex-wife was not my mother, and it took time and work to have a marriage like my parents. the 1st thing she needs to do is find out and understand what his concept of marriage is. not knowing his idea of marriage how can she devise a plan to improve their marriage? 2nd is to let him know what her idea of marriage should be. since he already feels like he isn't good enough she should do it in a way to let him know its not his fault but their's as a couple. 3rd she needs to take the initiative to be more like his idea and hope that he can appreciate her example and make the effort to be more like what she needs. 4th if he is not willing to change she needs to leave him. being unhappy will ruin the other parts of her life. but what do i know. i'm 42 and divorced.

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