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Should single Black women embrace this status or...?

Posted by Ria, 08 May

"I know that African-American women… [a]re not finding how to hold relationships, how to hold husbands," says Pastor Jomo K. Johnson. But unlike the social perspective on this matter, in his book, Call Tyrone: Why Black Women Should Remain Single Or..., to be released this June, the Pastor doesn't condemn African-American women for finding themselves holding the title of the highest rate of unmarried women of any race. If anything, he wants African-American men to share in the burden of creating such circumstances and hopes that the book will knock some sense into those "African-American men who aren't taking care of their own lives, who aren't seeking to be faithful or responsible to African-American women in their community."

The thing is, the media in general has made single-hood; especially amongst African-American women seem like a curse; like something single Black women should be ashamed of. Well, not in this book. The Pastor elevates and commends the status of being single, seeing it as a blessing than a curse… asking Black women to embrace the concept of being content with being single – something he acknowledges most Black women have taken to even without having to read his book.

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And because women are "precious and priceless" before God, he believes they shouldn't "lower" themselves in any way whatsoever. Hence lowering your standards and what you believe in just so people can scrap the Miss/Ms title in front of your name to a 'Mrs' shouldn't be an option because there are so many other options to explore… and one of them is to remain single and be proud of it and using your power as a single person to impact positively on other people’s lives.

Plus the 'OR…" at the end of the book's title doesn’t entirely mean dating interracially… how about dating African men from other countries? In his interview with the Christian Post, he says: "There's somewhat of a stigma for African-American women if they date or marry a white man, or even a Hispanic man. It's kind've [sic] a brand that you're abandoning the black race, but I want to encourage women that there are good, godly men who are not necessarily African-American." And that is why our dating site is well geographically represented so that love can transcend all borders… so that love can be limitless…

To remain Single Or...? What do you think?

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9 responses to "Should single Black women embrace this status or...?"

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  1.   NaijaBabe11 says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 12

    Personally, I could care less about racial loyalty. Black men don't owe black women anything or vice versa. The only woman the black man owes ANYTHING to is his mother, because SHE (not the black female population) raised him. The exact same applies for the black woman who was raised properly by her father (like myself). Being single is not that bad. I would much rather put things in God's hands instead of my own or someone else. Plus, I could use the time of being single for personal growth and self evaluation. Blaming black men for the "single-hood" (don't know if that is a real word) of black women is not a smart, helpful, or healthy solution.

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  2.   devnull says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    Look beyond your environments I say to AA women. Many AA women just like most Americans need to see that they are a pool of men of all races they should interact with. Many Aliens as you Americans oddly refer to them as can offer you the love and emotional security you offer. Ofcourse be weary of those looking for a way to come to America. Start early too don't wait until you are in your 30s,40s because by then you are now competing with younger women and most men wrongly assume women in aforementioned age bracket as end of shelf life women. Be patient and the right man will come and normally when and where you least expect it!!!!!

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  3.   DeeRock83 says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 12

    I don't know what to make of that write up, I see the part where he says he hopes the black men in the world take notice and start doing something about it, but after that it's all about "black women shouldn't do this or should do that"... "Stay single and be proud of it"... Maybe his heart is in the right place and he's genuinely thinking about his community but I'm not getting his reasoning at all. It's the quote at the end that made me do a double take though, "but I want to encourage women that there are good, godly men who are not necessarily African-American.” What does the "not necessarily" mean, not necessarily of pure African descent, as in Haitian or Jamaican? Being white doesn't mean I'm "not necessarily" black, it means I'm not black, no need to ease in to that one. Then again, maybe he was reassuring BW that he is okay with them dating non BM in his own conservative way... Who knows... Either way it doesn't matter, BW shouldn't feel intimidated or be convinced otherwise if they want to date men of another race. Same goes for WW or BM or any other race for that matter, it's nobody's business but the two people involved in the relationship. So the question: Should single black women embrace this status or ....? God forbid, abandon the black race. Who cares, do what makes YOU happy, not what makes other people you don't even know but share your skin tone happy.

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  4.   reese says:
    Posted: 20 May 12

    These are just statistics and they don't determine how your life is going to be. I think we just have to focus on our lives and our situation and not on what statistics say because they do not determine fates. They just tell you the past and what is likely to happen. Both of my sisters are in long term marriages one to a black man and one to a white man. Look at what will make you happy and do you. Let that great man find you.

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  5.   EddyReady says:
    Posted: 13 May 12

    I really don't agree with what ShyDude74 had to say,but he did make a strong point at the end ! You go with who treats you the best ! All my life the women that has treated me the best,showed me the most care and concern and the best times have been the sweet sista's so i like them the most.Nothing against other women,you just go with what makes you feel right :) ! EddyReady

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  6.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 11 May 12

    @ yes is me says You asked: Why are African American Men leaving , breaking up from us, Intelligent, Strong , Beautiful , hard working women and the rest of the world has realized and desire the Diamond that we truly are,and can handle it? Hmmm why is that? You stated : I will tell you the honest truth. which he himself admitted to – BECAUSE HE WAS GREEDY.AND IT WAS EASY, Just like most men. especially AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN! It may sound cliche but – 80/20 rule – is so true and they fall for it all the time – while they hide behind the stereotype ” of a AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMENS” FAULTS without admitting their own. It was easy because, unfortunately there are some women out there that will do anyone, go along with anything and don’t care so thats easy access. Believe me when I say- he can tell her he is married but if he says he is down if she is down and she will say doesnt matter. (its easy for them) Greed and selfishness ruin relationships across all racial lines and men and women both fall for the okie doke. My father once said, "if your neighbor's grass is greener than yours maybe his water bill is higher than yours as well!" With that said, people want an easy and quick fix to just about everything in life but little do they know quick and easy comes at a price that most don't didn't expect. I don't think this issue falls on just BM or BW but it falls on us both because the same thing you mentioned about your ex, I've known BW that have done the same thing. I'm glad that you decided to end the marriage and not allow yourself to be disrespected and you're making yourself available for new possibilities of love from where every it may come from and I think as BM and BW we owe it to ourselves to find love, if not from eachother, then from someone else who is willing to love us. We don't owe eachother nothing more than to respect the other one's right to happiness while we enjoy or search for our own happiness. What I don't understand is, why is it when a BM dates / marries IR some (and the key word is SOME) BW automatically assumes he left a BW to be with a non black women. Maybe he's exploring the same options that BW have. Just as all BM aren't easy to love and get along with, the same can be said of some BW (in all fairness)! We all have to keep in mind that our experiences with one or few individuals in no way speaks for all BM and BW and we must be careful not to group all together because that only serves to further the rift between an already fragmented people. Whatever the reason may be lets live and let live because at the end of the day we both want to be loved, appreciated and happy. Best wishes to you and all!

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  7.   yes.its.me says:
    Posted: 10 May 12

    Haha Ha, (MIRACLE) what a typical response and if they were selling the Golden Gate bridge I guess you would buy that too!. Im not . DONT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOUR READ AND HALF OF WHAT YOU SEE!! But what Im about to tell you is my experience as a intelligent, respectful, articulate, African American woman. I was married for 10yrs to a black man Ive known for 20yrs. Did not "NAG" --Did Not/Still don't "Have attitude" open with communication, Sex -we couldn't get enough of each other (side bar and still can't) always admitted when I was at fault. Matter of fact , that was how the women and men in my family was raised - to bypass the drama,get straight to the point . and for the -(women) stroke the(male ego) at the same time. So why did I end up getting divorced when I was a committed monogamous partner, continuously employed throughout our 20yr relationship(still am) , raised a beautiful child that's now in their 2nd yr of college well kept physically, emotionally. I will tell you the honest truth. which he himself admitted to - BECAUSE HE WAS GREEDY.AND IT WAS EASY, Just like most men. especially AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN! It may sound cliche but - 80/20 rule - is so true and they fall for it all the time - while they hide behind the stereotype " of a AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMENS" FAULTS without admitting their own. It was easy because, unfortunately there are some women out there that will do anyone, go along with anything and don't care so thats easy access. Believe me when I say- he can tell her he is married but if he says he is down if she is down and she will say doesnt matter. (its easy for them) MY X TILL THIS DAY- continuously want us to get back together - apologize and admits he fell for the hype and went to get that 05 percent(Im down chick) and left that 95percent and now look divorced with no family but hey that 05percent is out there and Yes-this 95percent is now a single mother and I embrace this because I know one day I will marry again. To me its a stage of life, not a negative. I was single , I was married, I divorced, now Im single again and one day I will marry again. I know a married African American , couple married almost 8 yrs where the husband continuously cheats on his wife - she "so calls catches him" they fight, argue, threats of leaving and he apologizes and the are happy for 1 month -then it starts all over again. (but-she will hold on to him) because of the "oh I don't won't to be a single African American woman with kids" HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL IS THAT !!!!!!!! Don't she know she have options? I do !! African American women need to open up and look outside their race. We are the only women where we lack in that department while on the other hand our counterparts will bad mouth us out from one end and marry a women of a different ethnic background from the other end. I refuse to count myself out by only dating African American men and I have taught my child the same . These last 10-15yrs - I have seen a resurgence of White (other ethic) men and /African American woman. Married with children and I just simply SMILE :-) I LOVE IT!! They are not necessarily American men either - If you ever have the chance to step out out the United States - you will see what I mean and I don't mean the Islands.- - so all my African American women who are reading this continue to not fall for they hype , take your time finding that one to settle down with and start looking in places you haven't before. SO my question is - Why are African American Men leaving , breaking up from us, Intelligent, Strong , Beautiful , hard working women and the rest of the world has realized and desire the Diamond that we truly are,and can handle it? Hmmm why is that? - Haters need not respond - keep the negative comments to yourself - all the rest HAVE A GREAT DAY !!!

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 14 May 12

      I agree, there are so many women putting up with cheating men or worse because they don't want to be a stereotypical single mother. I would rather be single than be with someone and miserable. I don't want to be single, and doubt most women do, but if it's between being single and bad treatment, I choose being single.

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  8.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 08 May 12

    they dont want to accept the truth and admit their faults,they cant be reasoned with has to do with why bw are single.have black men and others sinned yes,but well admit it before a black female will admit hers.when black women admit their faults it will be a miracle and the world will be coming to an end.most black men are fed up with them,if other men want them its on them,but they didnt have to deal with black women family wise like the black men had too growing up.if youve been treated bad by a member of your race frequently,and the other races treat you better.common sense youre going to like the other races alot more.

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