There goes another year
December is here again!!! Oh sh**. Haven't met any of the resolutions I made. I am sure I aint the only one in this boat. Well, sh** happens and next year I’ll probably be singing the same song.
Anywho, I know you all have them parties lined up. And with parties come those potential men and women. Here’s what I gotta tell you – something you already know: Take it easy with those potential mates.
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
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But who am I to give advice, right – single as some of us. Hope i get to follow my own advice. But if things get too heated up, well, I know people who have thrown caution to the wind and ended up with the love of their lives. Who knows; it could be you this year.
Much as I like to play Dr. Phil once in a while, I think you are your own Dr. Phil. Throw your self in the mud BUT with caution. If all goes well, next year you could be singing a different song ... the song of love.
For those in relationships already, show more love. Remember, Ria and her singles crew envy you. Well, I better go follow my own advice... hope it works...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
20 responses to "There goes another year"
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Islandspicy says:Posted: 19 Dec 09
Melliot, You hit the nail on the head! I am definitely guilty of holding back. Will definitely use a more assertive approach from now on. Of course, what you wrote doesn't apply to all black women. But it applies to many of us. Particularly those who want to do the right thing. You don't know how many times I've heard my mom or aunts or grandmother say, " The man should come to you." And believe me back in the day, yeah, that was the way to go. Plus we are from the Virgin Islands and the traditional role of man pursuing woman was the norm. But times have changed! It also applies to those of us who don't want to take risks and put ourselves out there for fear of failure, rejection, or getting hurt. Anyway, I don't care if other people don't agree with you, because seriously, I thought you were speaking just to me. Thank you again for this insightful post. Island Spicy
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marymac78 says:Posted: 19 Dec 09
It amazes me that black men on an interracial dating site find it necessary to give words of advice to black women on an interracial dating site. I have absolutely no interest in dating black men for no other reason than that is not my preference. I have dated some black men when I was younger; however, I have dated all races my whole life. My first date was a "mixed" guy (white and latino). As I am older now, and interested in establishing a true serious relationship i find my attraction is stronger for white men and given my background and interests I have more in common with white men than most (not all) black men. Just as Melliot has noted some supposed pattern. I would like to address a pattern i have noticed a certain theory that black women only date interracially because "woe is me I can't get a black man." Give me a break! The man I choose to date has everything to do with my attraction to him, his looks, his values, his education, his style, etc. In other words, I date the men I like.
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dolly48 says:Posted: 14 Dec 09
. I keep telling myself I am not gonna read these blogs. But I do, then I get "worked up". Seems to me, (on this interracial dating site) that a "brother" in particular has made a comment: "I hope Black Women start listening to what Black men and women of other races already know and beging to implement the modern approaches to dating" hhmmm. Does this statement imply the problems of the dating world are the fault of black women? Then why do white (and other non black men) want to date US?? Why is it that Bill Cosby warned black women that we are going to have to take care of the black family alone because Black men (BM) are irresponsible (i.e, gay, dead, or in prison?) Why did the Honorable Minister Malcom X (and a few other Black men) state that the reason some BM date white women is because they jump in the sack more readily than a Church going BW? Where is the RESPECT being shown BW, or WW, for that matter? I am so tired of being blamed for BM's woes! GROW UP!!! The next statement i had had on my mind for a LONG time, and I always hoped I would keep it to myself, but: I honestly think some BM know nothing of love or affection. If someone tried to express it to them, they wouldn't know what it was. I used to pity black men for this lack of awareness, now I am just afraid for them. How can a Human not know love? I know most BM think lust or sex is LOVE, but I feel it isn't (and maybe other races of men as well??) BM for the most part know nothing of romance, kindness, or intellectual stimulating conversation. It's SCARY!!! I know my words may anger some; i know in advance that my thoughts expressed here will be used to "prove" how "wrong" BW are...
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homesteader says:Posted: 10 Dec 09
If you are an American Woman of Color seeking an American Pale Male / Jerry Springer , Dr. Phil and Oprah are of no Credibility in the Inter-racial Date Ting Game . The First Ladie of this country also did knot Marry a Cream colored Pale Male / Advice from across the water [ England and Germany ] is why we sent them Back over there in Centuries long past when we did knot Enjoy the ways of their Alternate Lifestyles . Black women who listen to advice from Blackmen on how to find a Pale White boy ?????? This leaves a Large amount of doubt as to Intelligence of These Blog topics , Hehe .
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melliot says:Posted: 09 Dec 09
Lol Noplayer, I classic blogs usual. I hope Black Women start listening to what Black men and women of other races already know and beging to implement the modern approaches to dating. Tradition is like ingredient in a pot. Sometimes you have to change those ingredient depending on the taste of those your cooking for. An overwhelming majority of modern westernized men simply wont accept this old traditional mentality that many Black women inherited from generation to generation and stuck with. And I again assert one more significant point to my beautiful sister. You cant learn about success with men by seeking out women for advice who have only failed with men. This idea of recycling advice in the Black women community on dating men from women who have only failed with men is illogical. I would not ask a man who has been constantly cheated on and left by every woman he dates about how keep a relationship together it wouldbe utterly foolish to seek advice from him on that subject matter. Yet, Black women still seem to seek counsel from other Black women who have had notthing but a stream of dismal failures in past relationships and otentimes have a negative image of men. If you want to cange your ciscumstances Black women online or offline stop talking to other women about relationship who dont have a successful history with them. It is almost like many Blackwomen feel as if the same type of women with relationship drama liek one would see on Jerry Springer are now relationship gurus for having gone through several such relationship dramas with a man. Sisters you have to choose your counsel better Michelle Obama would be a great start .
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homesteader says:Posted: 09 Dec 09
P.S. That is why women from other ethnic Groups find good Black men here [ Inter-racial Site ] Duh / see you already answered your own Queston and didn't even realize it , Hehe . And you been here since January this past year ? I will call that " Slow Dancen' " LOL .
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homesteader says:Posted: 09 Dec 09
" Heard it through the Grapevine " " She got Legs " What we gonna do with these points ? Ain't no prizes up for Bids at this time , Ria .
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homesteader says:Posted: 09 Dec 09
Noplayer ; If you been here that long AND ARE INDEED MARRIED FROM MEETING ON THE STREET , you should have figured out BY THIS TIME / This is an Inter-racial Date Ting site where BW are knot looking for BM and BM are knot looking for BW / I wood imagine you are here seeking an alternate Lifestyle . This little white man found him a Beautiful Brown Ladie here at this site after many years online . I did knot join after already being Married as you did . ????????? You who stereotype with abbreviations constantly show bigotry in your words . Learn to spell .
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 08 Dec 09
Single ladies lets play a game of name that song! Read the lyrics and see if you know the name of the song and you get an extra bonus point if you know the name of the artist or group. Here we go! " I'm really pleased to meet you girl / and I'd like to get to know you better / maybe tonight we can get together for awhile, you and I" " I just don't have time / but I'm not turning you down / I cant accept your inventation now / cause I work all day and sleep all night" " My offer stands I think you're worth the wait / but there's only one way to find out / to spend some time is the only way / but it may require some sacrifice" " I would like to see you tonight / whats holding me back? / my J-O-B is rough on me / and that keep me from hanging out" If you listen to alot of old-school R&B you'll have no problem with this one.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 08 Dec 09
@ melliot and MissJamaica Godd dialog! I wish more of this back and forth in honest dialog would take place instead of playing the blame game. I cant help but to think that alot of sisters have found it easier to blame BM instead of dealing with themselves. It was January last year that I started blogging on this site and from the start I've been persistant in trying to get BW to answer this one question," if their are soo few good BM, where are the women from other ethnic groups finding good BM, the same ones you claim there are so few of?" Let me add a little to want melliot has already stated. In this day and age if you snooze you loose! You have to be persistant and aggressive on the job when going after a position you want, so why should it be any different when it comes to the man you may be interested in? We all know what a competitive driven world we live in and this applies to dating as well. Women who'll step up and make their interest in a man known, more than likely will beat out those women who sit by and hope that the man will come after them. Women must understand that dating is a numbers game and you have more women looking for a relationship than men, as a result women will have to start thinking outside the box when it comes to dating. I'm not talking about turning into a "back-alley Sally", men know those type of women come a dime a dozen. I'm talking about opening your mouth and making your interest in a man known, away with this crap about, "resectable women don't approach men", this logic will keep you respectable but lonely! A female co-worker told me she saw a guy eating at the food court in a mall and she said she thought he was handsome, so she boldly asked if she could join him even though there were plenty of empty tables she could have sat at. They talked over lunch, exchanged numbers and the rest is history. They dated for two years and they've been marrierd for three. I'm sure alot of women would say she was acting desparate and maybe some would call her crazy but they can't call her SINGLE! LOL
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homesteader says:Posted: 08 Dec 09
party1 ; Ditto / This site brought Us together from Far apart . Tis the season to be Jolly and Best wishes to all / and to all a Good Night .
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party1 says:Posted: 07 Dec 09
Another year gone by and and huge THANK YOU and cheerful wishes for a Happy Holiday season for the staff of this site and to fellow romancers and chatters. Sincerely, Party1
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melliot says:Posted: 07 Dec 09
Miss Jamaica, You haave made some very good points, but let me first address the whole idea that going after a man you want in your life is chasing a man and then I will address why men dont persue women as aggressively anymore. Regarding the chasing issue their is a great deal of difference between showing interest in someone and making sure that someone receives your showing of interest in a manner that they can perceive your interested and chasing behind someone. No party should chase after another party period. To show interest in a woman is not chasing her and more than a woman showing interest in a man. Their can be no double standard to this concept and women have to work on desconstructing this idea that to go after the man you want means you are lowering yourself or made less of a woman. Black women must cast off those old cultural norms of dating which were specifically designed for a time period of the past, but are no longer productive in todays modern society. Let us not forget that hundreds of years ago many our ancestors were the product of arranged marriages, but, that practice in African Americans society has long been done away with. So the concept of dating is not something which is set in stone in is a living and breathing concept which changes and adject with the times. So in todays modern society Black women must also evolve and learn the new ways. They must listen to the stories of the older generations ways of finding a partner, but realize the world in terms of dating has changed since their parents dated and many of the norms of their parents, or grandparents days simply do not exist anmore in modern society. When you decide to take a step out and seek a mate that you have picked to show interest in such actions are not chasing they are simply taking control of your own destiny. When you sit back and wait for whatever comes along and out of pure lonilessness or desperation take whatever is put before you that is allowing someone else to control your destiny and choose for you. We all are born with free will to pick and choose what we like, want, and desire, but Black women ascribing to black culture must act on free will to pick for themselves and not let some man choose for them. Regarding the question of why men dont persue women anymore that answer is very simple. The modern age has brought men to a new understanding regarding their interaction with women. This new profound understanding has saved men a lot of money, time, and quite simply frusteration in dealing with women. Modern men have learned that int he end "Women pick men, men pick women". This concept might shock you so allow me to explain. I am a man. I can ask you out on a date. I can call you and let you know I am interested. I can keep calling to let you know I want to see you again. However, in the end I am left at the mercy of you making the decision from the beginning to thew end of whether we will see each other again and how indepth our interaction will be. Quite simply women control the first stages of interaction between them and a man. Their is a role change however in this interaction. This role change occurs usually after a relationship has been established between a man and a woman. She then hands the keys to the man and allows him to take over, but before a romantic relationship or dating relationship is established women have sole control over the course of interaction between her and the man. So why dont men persue women aggressively anymore. It is quite simple men now know that if a woman want to interact with them she will make an effort to and if she dosnt want to she wont make an effort to. Why do all the work if in the end you have no control over your fate with a woman. Modern men now choose to sit back and allow the woman to make a choice. If she wants to take a special interest in the man then a woman will, but if she is not showing a special interest in a man then that man knows she must not really tha tinterested and he wont waste his time. Modern men will make an effort to see women that want to see them. The days of men trying toconvince women to date them or get to know them ar elong gone. There are to many women who would love to give men quality time so men will no longer waste time trying to sell themselves to any woman. Lastly, women in the Black culture have created some type of test based on foolishness which modern men just wont put up with anymore. This test revolves around the idea that "a man needs to prove himself to them". men are simply not willing to put up with this type of mentality or testing. First and foremost to suggest that a man must prove himself to you also suggest that the woman asking for the proof beleives herself to be not on the same level as the man, but a higher level. Such test also are a red flag to any man that their must be some unresolved issues going on with the women who seeks to test a man rather than interact normally. Such ingnorant test in Black women culture have led to friction early on in the dating process and often lead to men choosing to seek a more compatiable dating partner. Lastly, Black women in the Black culture have to stop relying on dating information from each other. Large in part this is the most devestating facotor in why Black women culture is being left behind in the modern dating world. This is the reason why so much of the jibberish Black women have come to beleive as what is normal has become set in stone. By relying of other Black womens opinions who too share the same opinions as you on dating and have also failed miserably in it, or by relying on parents or grandparents who have also failed misreably in the dating and marriage department you are simply keeping the chain of failure alive. To break the chain of failure in relationships that is systemic in the Black Culture we must look outward to those cultures that have had great success and see what they are doing or not doing to obtain their success. The same principles apply to black women culture and their cultural dating practices. You must begin to look outward to women in other cultures who have proven more successful in having stable, successful dating relationship with men who are also of your race. You must seek to find out how you can make the transition and learn what you can do on you part to change your circumstances. From learning how to seek out and go after a man to learning how to keep that man is all out there for you if you choose to stop fighting change and go with it. Black women have been left behind in the modern dating world and the effect have been disasterous in their dating practices. From an overwhelming majority of Black women in college overlooking the good men on campus trying to better themselves by dating drug dealers, losers with no jobs that sit around allday and do nothing, men who are married, or sharing men with other women, or sitting at home and complaining about their are no good men after spending a day rejecting all the men on the campus who were in-fact good men. Black women culture must change then anger and baggage is no longer suitable for modern society men who just want a normal encounter with a woman and a normal dating experience. So why dont men persue women anymore it is very simple men only persue women that persue them.
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Jungle says:Posted: 06 Dec 09
You know? As long as your true to yourself as a single....you will attract people to you by just being yourself. Who cares about newyears resolutions or not.
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homesteader says:Posted: 05 Dec 09
Personally Speaking : Talked to many here for years / None took the opportunity to make the time to meet with me except one in the beginning who enjoyed Lunch one day with me , and she never took the time to learn what Qualities I have . Dr. Phil in the Main Topic for discussion is already married / so girls if you are looking online for Companionship , Please don't set your Heart on catching his . He probably doesn't even have a profile on this site . You really need to extend your attension to those that respond to your Profiles . Avoiding those that respond to you is your First Mistake . How many mistakes does it take to finish alone in Life ? Knot to those with Degrees who Publically try to Entertain the world on Television shows . Talking about problems in others lives that - Most of us do not really want to Happen to us effecting our own lives . Avoiding me by many is the Reason they are still looking here . My Wife gave me the Chance to Show the Many Qualities , I Possess that will never be Shown online . She became a Winner of my Heart / those that did knot give me a Chance , I shall look back-on as Lost in their own wasted time . Some parts of Life come only in Personal contact with others . The comment prior to mine talks of Oprah / she is also Retiring soon . Les says " Nut Thin Ventured - Nut Thin Gained " . and I have no sisters / only one brother . He is successful in his own right . I was able to Retire 9 years before Oprah / My Retirement given by God himself as he felt that I had done my part , Hehe and I will remain in a Self-sufficient Condition for the rest of my life . Failure in Life is because of Lack of Attension to the Chances one never took advantage of . LOL , we had 22 degrees and a small snowstorm this past evening in Coastal Texas . While I drink my hot coffee Black , I read of a man advising Ladies of his own Heritage how to obtain men of my Heritage here on this site / I thinkwe called that catch 22 .
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MissJamaica says:Posted: 05 Dec 09
You are SO RIGHT! I got this notice in my email and read every word...and realized for all i thought i was open and approachable, I really do sit around waiting on the right options to come along, which is what i was always taught respectable women do...and although i can say i have reached out online and met someone off this site who i thought was going to work out but didn't, in real life i am much MUUUCH less agressive. And that is why real life is not working for me because as you said, these other races are going after men and doing what needs to be done to hold the good ones. I mean i see men who been talking about their interest in me for YEARS, literally, and i keep wondering why don't they just make a move if they are so interested, take me out, do something! Then they all find a girlfriend, and in some cases engaged, married! And i am so hurt like well, if he was so interested why is that not me? (in some cases i was really not interested but wondering how they manage speak up to whoever SHE is when they just sit complaining about how they can't get anywhere with me...i am not use to having to go after men cause back home the men are quite aggressive, they come after females they like and it takes hell itself to stop them)... I am not sure why men outside the caribbean are so used to being chased but i guess i have to get with it if i expect to deal with them. Why don't men go after women anymore though?
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melliot says:Posted: 02 Dec 09
I almost forgot one more thing I wanted to add to my post for my beautiful, intelligent, and passionate Black Sisters. This is a big thing so take it in slowly and carefully. The time to begin appreciating a man is not when you enter into a relationship it begins when you first meet the man. Many women wait until they are officially in a relationship with a bloke to begin appreciating him. This is an incorrect approach based on protectionism and self preservation emotionally. To meet the one for you, you have to be willing to hurl yourself into all or nothing and acdept the fact that your efforts will fail 99% of the time to find that 1% of success which is the man your suppose to be with. Women of other cultures more often take down those walls of protectionism and show the man appreciation from the start. They call frequently to chat, they invite him out for a drink or meal, they offer to cook him a meal, they drop him off a lunch meal while he is at work, they pick up his favorite candy while shopping to surprise him with it during their next date, they make an effort to meet up during the week in the beginning even if they are a bit tired. In short they focus on a man and put all their efforts into that man tow work towards a substancial dating relationship and they dont make excuses for a lack of effort or putting themselves out there because they accept the possibility of failure but embrace the chance of success. As Oprah said, "In order to be successful you cant be afraid to fail". My sisters embrace failure as well as success, take intelligent chances in finding love, and ter down those protective wall so men can embrace you.
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melliot says:Posted: 02 Dec 09
As I settled down for a cup of tea today in freezing London I though about a pattern on this site in post by some black woman which is becomming a shout. It occured to me that in some warped way some black women on this site somehow blame black men for their inability to find an interacial partner. Again I say some black women have made a almost illogical connection between their inability to find a interacial partner and black men. In this approaching New Year we make resolutions which can impact our daily lives in for the better or sometimes for the worse. The resolutions are made by our own choice and are we have the free will to set the resolutions into motion or sit back and not follow up on them. So "Some Black Women" you first have to start by being accountable andnot trying to pass the blame to Black Men on the site who have absolutely nothing to do wih your ability to meet a interacial partner. Place blame where it really lies and that is with yourself and make the necessary adjustments to overcome your inability to meet an interacial partner. Black men have absolutely no impact on whether you decide to connect online with an interacial partner or not unless they have you password and are logging into your account to scare away guys. So lets address the first issue. You are on a online dating site sisters. Not Facebook, Myspace, or find new friends network. You are on a dating site which means the purpose is to actually converse with the intention of meeting an interacial partner. I think this must be said because as another blogger pointed out men do have a tendecy to pursue certain types of women on a online dating site. I think the most common type of woman men are most likely to pursue is the one which will actually get off the computer and meet them in person. That being said it does appear that Black women are seemingly more reluctant to progress the onlien relationship into an actual meeting as opposed to women of other racial groups. I will not dig into the various reasoning behind such reluctance, but this trend does overwhelmingly exist amongst Black women. Most men either lose interest or pursue other opportunities if you take a large amount of time to arrange a meeting. No man living in the same city as you is going to chat for weeks or months with a woman on a dating site when their ar eother woman willing to meet him in a reasonable time period. Sister this i think is the first major issue which completely wipes out your inability to meet an interacial partner. So in the New Year stop creating all these wild and illogical excuses as to why you want to chat witht he guy living less that 100 yards from you in the same city on your computer before you can actually meet up and just meet up. This is not to say that you should not take the necessary precautions such as finding a safe and public location, but stop making excuses and just meet the man already. Now we move on the the second reason. Black women their use to be a time when men would take a woman out and then the woman would lay low for a while before the second date. That time is long gone and you cant keep a man interested if your not around in the beginning. So you have to evolve as have women of other races in their dating practices. As I have posted before 1 day a week that you pick for entertainment and the rest of the week laying low is simply not going to be acceptable to any man because men need to feel like their making progress with a woman or they will move on to another. That being said, seeing a man for multiple dates in a week is not going to turn your whole world upside down. This idea that you somehow cant see a man your interested in multiple times a week for dates early on is simply illogical. Let me break down the logic for you. Your on a dating site. You want to meet a man and find a serious relationship which might someday lead to marriage. However, you claim no tot have the time to see a man more than 1 time every week or 2 weeks. Hmmmm. How can you prove your relationship worthy if you dont make the effort to see someone often. It simply dosnt make sense. Women of other races have no issue with seeing someone they are interested in several time a week. It is called putting in effort sisters and not making excuses why you cant because inthe end of the day men will pick the woman that is around, not the woman who is always absent. We all work and have demanding schedules therefore black women do not fall into a special class which denotes them special treatment to be excused from making the same effort that women of other races make when they are interested in someone. So to conclude stop talking about hwo you have to be to bed early, or how you stay in on the weekdays, or how work was so stressful 5 days a week your not able to get out for dinner or drinks. Men just arent buying those excuses anymore and will simply move on to another woman who is wiling to go out and leaving you to revert back to the illogical ideal that their are no good men when the truth is your dont exert the effort required to keep a good man once you meet him. Lastly Black women and please please listen to this. Their is nothing worng with you being more assertive and getting what you want. America is a country of go getters and assertive people who go after what they want. Sisters you have to lose that old school mentality and catch up or you will be left in a trail of dust by women of other races. IF you see a man your interested in their is nothing wrong with you approaching him. Many sister still live under the mentality that aproaching a man or asking a man out is improper or disrespectful. I assert that letting a opportunity for your own happiness go by because you could not assert yourself if disrespecting yourself. Who cares who approached who first and initiated contact if your married to the person 20 years from now with beautiful kids and a nice house. Let a man get away with that illogical "it wasnt meant to be" mentality so many sister blurt out and you only have yourself to blame when you sitting on the front porch by yourself on New Years Day. Life is about taking chances sometimes. Sometimes we fail aand sometimes we succeed, but we must take the chances to gain success. The reason why oftentimes Black women have such complaints about their past dating partners is quite simple. If a woman wants to get the freshest fruit she must got ot the market early to get the best pick of the lot, but if she sits back and waits she will only get the rotten fruit which is no good. Many of you Sisters have been getting to the market at closing time all your lives and only having a pick of the spoiled leftover fruit no other woman wants. Out of lonelyness and sheer desperation over a need to be loved you are willing to take whatever man comes along that shows you any attention because your laid back approach has brought you no results. That my sisters is why you end up in bad dating experiences. It is not race color, ethnic background or creed that accounts for you bad past dating experiences, it is simply you not going out and getting what you want in a man. It is about being afriad to fall and not being willing to get back up and try again. So you sit back and wait until you run out of patience and then take whatever comes along no matter how many red flags the man has. Women of other raceson this dating site are assertive and do go after what they want. They ar enot afriad to put themselves out ther and Sisters you cant be either. So for the New Year be assertive and more aggressive in your approach. Take what you want and dont wait around eltting opportunity pass you by. GEt up off the couch or out of the bed and make an effort to see a man in the beginning frequently to let him know your interested. Be more open to appraoching men and letting them know you want to hang out. Stop hiding behind a computer or phone and meeet up with the man and 2 weeksis sufficient time any longer and you risk any man losinginterest and moving on. Lastly, folow up after a first date. LEt the man know you want to defiently get together again soon and stick to meeting him again really soon or he will again lose interest. In a final note if you have been on this site for a while, but have actually never met anyone in person then the problem is not the site it is you. Take responsibility and make the changes necessary to find and keep a good man.
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homesteader says:Posted: 30 Nov 09
It's beginning to feel alot like X-mas / with the cool rainey weather . Open your Hearts / to the opportunity available on this site. This past month I met penpals in England and in New Zealand in correspondance / The World is full of Chances to meet Marvelous Friends . Friendships are how Love is spread thoughout this world of Change / Alofa means Love in Kiwi . May all Enjoy what the Holiday Spirit shall Offer . Haste makes waste / Yet he or she who Hesitates is Lost . My advise / wood be to jump into the Fire of Life and take advantage of the heat it Produces ..
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Melliot, no disrespect intended, but you're doing alot of generalizing, putting ALL men and ALL women in two categories for likes and dislikes. People are individual and have individual tastes and values. You may be able to site what's "trendy" but you certainly can't say that ALL men like this, and ALL women do that.