Too much loving kills love?
The phrase run for the hills is usually used when a man needs space … fresh air which guys need desperately to survive in relationships these days. Not my words people. That is just one pal of mine stressing that women must learn the delicate balance between being a girlfriend and being a wife.
According to him, some women get so committed into relationships that they smother it to death. “If lack of commitment is the male flaw, then over-commitment is its female equivalent᾿ he said proudly. Here is all he had to say about the whole shebang:
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“Take the politics about food. A woman who can cook is an asset especially because women of this generation are not kitchen savvy. But even so, today’s man isn’t too preoccupied with domesticated females. Much as there is nothing wrong with the cooking, it’s the strings attached to that food that I have a problem with. Miss her dinner and the drama unfolds. She cooks you eat. And when you don’t, then someone else is feeding you. :roll: Translation – you are having an affair. No matter how late you get home or how blotted your stomach is, if you know what’s good for you, better gobble down that dinner – IN MIGHTY CHUNKS!
Living with a man doesn’t relegate you to play housewife. For Pete’s sakes, why should you be stuck in the kitchen in a world of energy and time saving devices? Cook out of love. Not out of duty. Problem is, once a woman is assured of a man’s commitment, she quickly falls into the wifey role and starts dreaming about that wedding. Should the table clothes match he flowers? Bahamas or Hawaai? She stops being your buddy and transforms into wife-in-waiting.
All this time, this isn’t said verbally. And since you have to be in touch with her feelings, you start noticing the behavior change. She wants to feed you all the time, starts talking you into accompanying her to weddings. Trust me, all this is stifling. For heaven’s sake! All a man wants is a girlfriend. A female friend with benefits. Ria, was I pushing it?
We men have had to learn things the hard way. The moment you become intimate with a woman, rules of the game change. She suddenly wants to fast-forward her life to seeing an engagement ring. What’s the hurry? They never even prepare us for fatherhood. I suppose at this level we are supposed to have locked into their emotional intelligence. One moment you are the boyfriend, and the next you are the baby daddy.
Something very odd happens after this. While before the baby she was committed to being treated as a wife, committed to her domestic role, she now demands to be spoilt and treated as a girlfriend. She wants to hang out more. Tricky number this one because for one she does not look the same so the motivation to hang out with her all the time is greatly diminished, especially when there is a sudden abundance of single women drawn to your new found status.
Such scenarios can be avoided if women were more open about their intentions. There is a clear line between a girlfriend and a wife. Love is for the girlfriend. The wife gets respect, which is why a husband will be back for supper no matter how late. Give us time to be your boyfriend.
Most men know what they want when they get into relationships. Sex, food and silence (translation: peace) On the other hand, women are never sure. So before you spread em for me, think of the consequences. Men are wired to inject sperm and run for the hills. Deal with it!᾿
After listening to the never-ending ‘agonizing’ complaints about women, I only had two words for him. Take a wild guess!
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Responses to "Too much loving kills love?"
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Jimmy says:Posted: 23 Jan 10
Some of the people here are too needy and selfish. What is interesting is how they wrap it in nice words, and or insult persons just giving their free opinion. Regardless of the particulars of what has been said in the article, the overall point is: good, clear and valid communication is vital to the growth of any relationship. Different views on what should be said and when (natural, after all we all didn't grow up in the same household), or at all, are natural. A little genuine regard for the 'other' and human respect can iron over even the most difficult communication obtacles. (Slapped for missing dinner...now there's a nightmare household)
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Bellara says:Posted: 17 Nov 09
too much loving doesn't kill love because there is no such thing as too much loving unless it goes from loving to obsession (that i can say is crazy "love" :)
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muluungi says:Posted: 10 Mar 09
I think this guy has never loved anyone, he has always had lust for women. this is how i view the whole story of his. sorry to say but Mr you need some deliverence.
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blkbeauty31 says:Posted: 04 May 08There is a such thing as too much lovin'. Both men and women need balance! There are more people in the world and "stuff" to do than each other. So, if both people have a "life", then once you spend time doing other things that dont have anything to do with each other, you have time to "miss" each other and appreciate each other.
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Bliss says:Posted: 03 May 08I've recently had my boyfriend commit to me and I sure hope that things don't work out ther way proposed by Ria
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HereIamBaby says:Posted: 03 Jan 08...Give them space and you will have yours! Southern smiles, Sharon
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kirabira says:Posted: 31 Dec 07If, by some pigheaded blindness of mine, I dated a gal who didn't see things in this romantic/partnership light and I told her how I see cooking for her, I would expect her to treat my efforts in the galley (and I do make the effort to show, through presentation, my caring for her. Just a little something that's a sign from me that I'm thinking of her.) with an attitude of tender, romantic thanks. If we talk about it and she still doesn't show appreciation for my efforts to make our romance a live, vibrant one on a daily basis, she's not the gal for me and I need to leave that relationship, pronto. That's because a very romantic, close relationship is really important to me and I won't waste time in a relationship that's missing fundamentals that are so vital to me. I've purposely switched typical gender perspectives with this
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BOCACHICK says:Posted: 27 Dec 07Thank you, Fala!!!!! Thank you, VT33!!!!! My 24 year old nephew read this and just started laughing.....so whoever holds these views, I hope you are younger than he is. A grown, mature male wouldn't venture down that road. A woman that decides to live with someone like this has had her blinders on. You know he was showing who he is by the end of the first date. Mamas can't sex you, hookers cost money, so a "girlfool" is the next best thing. Questions for BOOBOO THE FOOL-----Why are you needing HER to let intentions be know? Is there something wrong with you (besides what the rest of us have already figured out)? Why not let YOUR intentions be known? Since you seem to have gone thru this several time, why not eleviate the chances of her developing "wifey" like feelings and hire a live-in housekeeper? You know too darn well that after your mother cooked and set out dinner and you showed up late -you got slapped .....SLAPPPPPED!!!!!!!!! Now I ask.......WHAT KIND OF PARENTS DID YOU HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a jacked up relationship that must have been!!! Well let me not blame it on the sperm and the egg because your old enough to learn this......MOST MEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY ENTER A RELATIONSHIP. You said it, but the key here is that males are wired to inject sperm, but MEN know when and how (ehrmmmm....get the hint!!!)
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fala says:Posted: 24 Dec 07
Linny98 good grammar and spelling skills might be a good place for you to start.
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linny98 says:Posted: 23 Dec 07whao!!i have got a question to the sistas...what is it that woman really wants in a man.?be polite!!it s interpreted as "weak" be be ambitious" means u are arrogant..some sistes states what they are looking for and the moment they realize that u are the bring up xcuses....
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vt33 says:Posted: 23 Dec 07
I don't really get this blog at all. Yet I think I have a understanding of the contents. Point, for everyone in relationships, who are not married or intend to be married. It is unspoken when a man and women decided to live together, that it now becomes a "serious relationship". Women and men are of course different. True that women of today, the mind says one thing, the heart says another, and the mouth says nothing. ONce you are in the same household, women automatically take on the "wifey" role. Cooking, cleaning, blah..blah. Keep in mind folks, 40 years ago, people didn't live together, they would date exclusively, for a few years, the question would be popped, marriage made. Well now, 40 later, it's different, women are much older on the dating scene, there are single parent daters, divorcee daters. Those values held years ago, we don't practice anymore. Generally a woman will damn near jump off a bridge for a man, especially if she is nearing 40, never married, childless. A man will use this to his advantage, then a woman will start going over the whole "boyfriend and girlfriend" relationship, then men act and think like the person stated in this blog. Definition for Hill Runing for Men: If you choose a woman, who is unmarried over 32, childless, independent, stop taking advantage of her, cut to the chase, she is looking for marriage. Women you find a man, who wants to live together, he wants all the comforts of married life, but not the commitment, you also run for the hills. Romance, I see the word, but I don't think people understand what it means. Romance is like Italian Gravy, it takes the right ingredients, the perfect pot, a long time to simmer to perfection. Italian gravey is not served until it is perfect, once it is served it comes into the world with such fanfare, you have no idea how somthing that takes so long can taste so good! HINT! That is romance folks. Happy Holidays all!
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 23 Dec 07PS - I look at romance as requiring effort, like succeeding at a job, math course, sailing beautifully or raising a plant or even a child. We readily accept the notion that we're going to need to solve a lot of math problems to really master it, so why not work on the most important relationship we have, every day? Most don't really put daily effort into romancing their significant other and I think that's a poor decision, even on a selfish level. It's fun, relaxing, centering and so much more for me, the way I like my dating relationships but it only works with someone who wholeheartedly feels and acts the same. Am I living a fantasy? Yes, it's real and it's a blast!
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fala says:Posted: 23 Dec 07
Hey if he needs his space let him have it. Plenty of other fish in the sea, Ladies.
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 22 Dec 07
Thanks for your compliment on my writing but I feel a romantic relationship is a product of a mindset and something earned every day. I think we fall out of that initial rush when we get lazy. It's all too easy to do because it takes both actively working to keep that zing! zoinging! I've seen it in old couples that have been married fifty years, flirting like teens and it's wonderful. I sincerely hope I'm not coming off as a man with charm but rather as a thoughtful and genuine, laughing... Arrgh, where's me lusty wench? I'm off to a family skiing vacation and hope everyone here's going to have good times (And at least a couple absolutely hilarious escapades, as well!) with those they care for, during the holidays.
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 22 Dec 07
You're quite right, moxy - When someone simply won't work to be a supportive, caring partner, I think it's time to talk about that attitude as a deal-breaker. Hopefully, we can spot those attitudes early, before there's too much pain. To take the example Ria's pal used (coming home to dinner): I think preparing food is a wonderful gift - I've invested time, money and usually a good deal of thought to what will please my gal and I try to make the entire experience one that's not just pleasant but really a gift, from me to her. I suspect it's the same for many people, to some degree. My payment is watching the pleasure I've given, hearing thanks and feeling it in a spontaneous caress, kiss, hug or something. It's all part of chivalry and is just a little something we get to do every day that brings us together. I said we because it takes both of us to make it magical - Not just eating my food but really appreciating my caring through my gift to her. If, by some pigheaded blindness of mine, I dated a gal who didn't see things in this romantic/partnership light and I told her how I see cooking for her, I would expect her to treat my efforts in the galley (and I do make the effort to show, through presentation, my caring for her. Just a little something that's a sign from me that I'm thinking of her.) with an attitude of tender, romantic thanks. If we talk about it and she still doesn't show appreciation for my efforts to make our romance a live, vibrant one on a daily basis, she's not the gal for me and I need to leave that relationship, pronto. That's because a very romantic, close relationship is really important to me and I won't waste time in a relationship that's missing fundamentals that are so vital to me. I've purposely switched typical gender perspectives with this example, moxy, to make it easy to understand my point. I think many don't get that aspect of cooking as a romantic gift. If you tell them about it and you really cook like that, they'd better appreciate your efforts! I don't think you can get a horse to drink - You can just lead him to water, moxy. If he doesn't want to drink, there's nothing you can do at that point. The decision's yours about accepting that kind of person as your guy, always putting up with it eating you into misery or taking time and a lot of energy to carefully choose a guy who's really right for you and nurture that relationship with lots of love and frank communication.
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Fkoi says:Posted: 22 Dec 07I really feel sorry for this guy. The women he is drawing to himself certainly seem to fit his narrow stereotype of how women are, think, feel and act. Or is it just his narrow stereotype doesn't him see women in any other way? He doesn't mention his reaction when he cooks a meal for a woman and she doesn't come to eat it. Has he ever cooked for a woman? I'd bet not but just because he's a bigot doesn't mean I should be. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. "Miss her dinner..."? Oh he's right. There should be no drama. She should just tell him to get lost and not come back. Rudeness is not a trait that is likely to improve with age. And she is probably right to assume that someone else "is feeding" him. He talks about the rules changing after "you become intimate." It doesn't sound like he has ever been intimate with a woman. Intimacy is not a euphemism for having sex. It is sharing warmth, friendship and deep personal feelings. If you are living with a woman, accepting her home cooked meals and having sex, and you haven't shared your view on marriage and haven't been sporting a jimmy-cap to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and the responsibility that comes with it, then brother you haven't been intimate. You've been a jerk. I'm sure this cat has some redeeming qualities. He just hasn't revealed them to us. My advice is this: Ladies, by all means keep them closed and let him head for the hills. That's where this hillbilly belongs.
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moxy12 says:Posted: 22 Dec 07
to laugh_sailor...and, when a female is to the point and the guy still revorts back? We are not each others nurse maids. Who has the time or the energy to re-train an adult.
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Jade74 says:Posted: 22 Dec 07Well said Laugh_Sailor...Will be back with more comments....Thanks for the positive messages that you bring to the blogs. ^5
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 22 Dec 07
I disagree with almost everything he's said (He's projecting his personal preferences onto guys in general: They certainly aren't mine and I don't like being lumped into a stereotype of those behaviors!), with one exception: Women generally need a lot of work on directly, plainly and simply telling guys what they want, why they really want it and remembering Occam's Razor (The simplest solution is probably the best.): Men are naturally simple creatures and greatly appreciate direct, plain communication (Well, some can't!). Guys generally need a lot of work on simply focusing on and understanding emotional consequences of actions and statements and *gasp!* how women behave in achieving their emotional goals. Having a good friend who's a woman can really help translating! My mouth happens to be a half-size bigger than my foot, so although it's not initially too painful for me, I might be unaware it's there - I'm a simple creature and will not only appreciate you telling me my foot's in my mouth, will also wipe it off and brush my teeth after taking it out. That said, I'd have a similar reaction and words you did, for him: Take his advice just this once and run for the hills!
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See I had the opposite response from a guy. I enjoyed his company, of course having sex, but I didn't expect it to go anywhere. He was the one who talked about dating and possibly having babies, but then flipped out and tried to make it seem that I wanted those things. Talk about being confused. The best thing for anyone to do is to put everything out on the table from the get-go so there's no expectation down the road.