Why do men almost always reappear after a breakup?
Ever been in a relationship where you broke up with a man and just when you have cried all your tears and are ready to move on he pops up again? As Mr. Spradley puts it, "We do damage, leave … and then we reappear."
Well apparently men just cant let women move on. "Any good detective will tell you that criminals who are guilty can’t help but return to the scene of the crime; neither can we. When we know we’ve done wrong it’s in our nature to reappear for a number of reasons," he says. (Yeah right)
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
In his article, "The reappearing man: 4 reasons why men almost always come back" Mr. Spradley tells us why men return to the scene of the crime:
1) He just wants to show you he has changed, that he is a better man
Apparently, when this is the reason, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants you back. Its just guilt eating him away and all he wants to do is prove to you that he aint and never was that douche-bag who hurt you. "In reality, we’re really great people – really – we are – our current girlfriends can attest – we really have changed," he says.
Basically, the dude doesn’t really care about what you may have gone through during the break up; he just wants to be able to sleep peacefully knowing you understand that the person who may have hurt you then, isn’t the person he is now. Spradley says;“… it was us at that time in our lives or, it wasn’t us at all, it was you (don’t worry we forgive you). Or it wasn’t us, nor was it you, it was just the ‘we’, that brought that out. Either way, if this is why we’re reappearing, it’s probably best if we just stay gone.”
2) He want to see whether or not you’ve changed.
"The only thing better than meeting an awesome new woman is meeting an old girlfriend who now seems way more awesome than she was when you were with her." Trust me, whenever I breakup with a dude, I work towards looking much hotter so that if ever I bump into him, I’ll be wearing the 'You left all this? Your loss!' look. And Spradley gives props to Facebook for rubbing this in when you upload your new photos and your ex happens to see them and you get that immediate “Its me” phone call.
Apparently when a dude becomes interested in the new, hotter looking you, its not genuine. "We want to prove to ourselves, and to you, that we didn’t make a mistake the first time around. That you’re not really that different, that the thing about you that always annoyed us is still there just below the glossy airbrushed surface of your new professionally taken profile pic. We want to find out whether you’ve been doing hella squats and that’s all you back there or whether that’s just an awesome camera angle," he says. All he wants to know is: Whether the new confident you real?
3) Sometimes its just him being manipulative.
This I can't put any better so am just gonna let Spradley give it to you:
"Here’s a secret about some of us men I probably shouldn’t be telling. Sometimes, we just want control... The thing about having that sort of control is that it makes it impossible to build any sort of lasting relationship. If we can control you, we can’t respect you. We can pretend to, but, in reality we don’t. The two things women reading this should take from this point are:
1) Never let a man have full control over you unless that man has married you.
2) If a man who once had that sort of control over you reappears, we probably just want to see if we still have it."
And his advice is to RUN!!! Especially if you aren't sure that the hold he once had on you is gone because you'll go through a repeat of your old life with him.
4) He has realized he lost a good thing and wants to do all he can to get it back
Apparently, of all the reasons he gives, this is a rare case. There are times when a man might leave a woman thinking he can do better without her or with the next woman only to realize, the woman left an imprint in his heart. He may have thought you'll be the only one who was gonna suffer the breakup, only to find out later that it is his loss too and no other woman, video games or beer gobbling can fill that emptiness. So he decides to swallow his pride and give it another go; crossing fingers that you’ll take him back
In conclusion, Spradley has some great advice for the fellas:
"As men, I think we sometimes have to take responsibility for the damage we’ve done and respect the fact that our women are entitled to rebuild themselves in whatever way they see fit. We also have to be responsible about how we decide to return to their lives. We have to think about whether we are returning because we think we can ‘help’ them, whether we’re returning because of our own selfish motives, or whether we’re returning because we think there might be a real chance at a lasting “we” this time."
Guys, what happened when you tried to get a woman back into your life? Was it worth a second try? Ladies, has a man you used to date ever tried to get back with you for any of the above reasons? I am sure if it’s the first three, it didn’t go anywhere. Do share and add some other reasons a man would want a comeback!
Related Stories
-
Was it love at first sight? Is that possible?
-
Let Your Dating Profile Pictures Do the Hard Work for You
-
To Break or Not to Break?
-
Baring Souls: The Strength in Being Vulnerable
-
Fitness Fiascos: When Couples Work Out Together
-
Here’s how to break up with someone respectfully
-
Does she love me? 8 signs she sees you as more than a friend
30 responses to "Why do men almost always reappear after a breakup?"
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
-
-
Seedovice says:Posted: 02 Feb 23They have less ego, and accept the mistake, I don’t know if I’m mankind sense
Reply to this comment -
Ruth116 says:Posted: 02 Jun 21Not long after my Dad's death, the father of my half-sister tried to get back with Mom. He had been trying to reconnect with Mom, even though she was married to Dad until his death. He just knew that since Dad was gone, Mom would take him back. It simply wasn't the case.
Reply to this comment -
Brunsugah says:Posted: 08 May 20The grass is not greener on the other side. I find zombies are rarely worth it
Reply to this comment -
lowfell57 says:Posted: 06 May 20Because there ex partner is easyer to talk to after a break up most time and everything is cool most the time men think they can try it on because they can get it off anyone else when it's been great In the bedroom with you. Men will always try it on.
Reply to this comment -
Trish11 says:Posted: 27 Jun 19
Most men believe “you’re the one that might’ve gotten away”... that... or the grass wasn’t greener on the other side
Reply to this comment -
-
SKIandSKY262 says:Posted: 19 Nov 17
The simple truth is, men get lonely. (Women get lonely too but I think men come back more often than women). People break up for a reason. Accept that and move on.
Reply to this comment-
Annab2b says:Posted: 21 Nov 17
I agree. Yes appreciate that they’ve admitted wrongdoing and want to try again but it’s best to move on. I don’t want them to change to please me. Be yourself and look for the one that best suits You. Best of luck to all of you that are looking for that one special person in your life.
Reply to this comment
-
-
Dezzi83 says:Posted: 29 Mar 17
Men can be so confusing! why can't they just say what they want / how they feel. I can't read minds...and I tend to make my own conclusions since they don't say how they feel or what they want. I'm a gemini and communication is VERY important to "us" I had to remove a somebody from my life . I'm done with the head/mind games
Reply to this comment -
Whiplash says:Posted: 27 Jul 16
I must be the exception to the premise of this article. I never recycle exes or food. Both for the same reasons.
Reply to this comment -
summer-luv93 says:Posted: 05 Aug 15
I've had 3 exes reappear and try to rekindle things. I think a lot of times they're just lazy and don't want to go working on getting another woman when they already "have" one that they've "broken in." I even had one tell me that though not as harshly.
Reply to this comment -
-
-
Eam60 says:Posted: 09 Jun 14Hidden statistics have proven that they reappear because of "Money and Sex". If you are a smart women you will "close the door" and never look back.
Reply to this comment-
Iphy1 says:Posted: 11 Mar 23
Mine reappeared because of sex lol because I became more sexier, attractive and Beautiful after he left. This I know.. AND HAVE KICKED HIM TO THE CURB.
Reply to this comment
-
-
prettygirl46 says:Posted: 04 Apr 14
He was so happy that I wasn't seeing anyone. He asks, "Are you still mine? I didn't really answer so I just said we need to talk it's been a while. We didn't break up in fact, things were going well and it was an LDR. In our last conversation he was telling me how wonderful I was. I told him the same and then I didn't hear from him for days and then weeks. Finally, almost 2 months had passed and I was moving on not that I didn't think about him but I had to take care of myself. All these emotions were going through my head thinking he lost interest, he found someone new, then I was worrying that something happened in his life. But if he new my number why wouldn't he contact me. My sister told me to try to join another dating site and I really didn't want to because I wasn't over him, so I did and I have been chatting and went on one date. One night I decided to check my emails and I see his name there so out of the blue I messaged him and he responds. He tells me he was in a bad car accident and had broken bones and bruises, and that his phone was damaged. And had no way of reaching me. He said he was crying because all sorts of thoughts were going through his head about me, for one he thought I may have gone back with my ex-husband, or a guy I went on a date with and liked for a while, he was jealous of him, and thinking I was with someone new. So when he came back into my life my feelings for him were still there but he felt like he could just come back into my life and make demands. After he asked if I was talking to another guy I said I was still single but I am on another dating site and he wasn't happy about it but relieved that I was single so his remark was, "Good cause you're mine!" Now, we had time to catch up by email and I sent him some photos cause he said that he lost all his photos on his phone of me and his kids. Then we talked on the phone and it was clear that he still missed me. He said he had no computer and no phone for a while. He told me what happened to him. When he disappeared I thought that was his way of breaking up with me, which didn't make sense because he told me on the text that he thought I was wonderful. He said if he was going to break up with me he would tell me. He has some personal stuff going on with his kids and his ex-wife. He told me he would be in touch and here it is again he hasn't texted or called me to let me know what's going on. And while we were catching up he started to be the guy I really liked telling me he loves me and misses me. It got so deep that he whispered on the phone trying to get me to tell him that I love him. He said I did a lot of things to try to find out what happened to him and that no other woman would have ever done those things for him. I told him that I love him and he has been wanting me to say it for the longest time. He swears that I am the only one he wants. So where is he now? Gone again. No calls. No text.
Reply to this comment-
Eam60 says:Posted: 27 Jun 14
As I said in an previous text......"a smart woman will close the door and never look back". The writing is on the wall, why don't you see it?
Reply to this comment -
-
Annab2b says:Posted: 21 Nov 17
Sorry to say this but you got played. The same thing happened to me for three months but the only difference is that I never met the individual. I decided going forward that individual must be someone local and in the flesh. If you are far, there’s no telling what can take place and if someone is really hurt. People like to play on heart strings hoping to catch fish and throw it back in the lake. You are too good for that. Best of luck to you!
Reply to this comment
-
-
Brownb09 says:Posted: 07 Oct 13If we broke up, then its for a good enough reason to just leave things alone.....especially because someone like myself believes in doing everything in my power to make the relationship work.
Reply to this comment -
sweetsexy001 says:Posted: 11 Nov 12I have an ex of 18 years who still tries to get back with me only he doesnt really want me its the chase. He goes from site to site wanting to be my friend and saying we need to talk. He then proceeds to tell me how much he misses and loves me. He would not know Love if it hit him in the face...LOL. Hes not even a faithful guy. I dont know why he would think I would be so stupid to take him back after I busted him cheating. He calls me all these loving names trying to tell me things he thinks I want to hear but I only feel sorry for him even more that he is a loser!...OMG! When will he stop chasing me?
Reply to this comment-
Eam60 says:Posted: 27 Jun 14
The "CHASE" will stop when you accept that this "use to be relationship" is dead on arrival.
Reply to this comment -
penelope77 says:Posted: 04 Jan 16
sweetie be careful so that his consistency of chasing you will not turn to stalking. A lot of exes are committing feminism homicide this time around, p Pleas watch your back. people should learn how to accept NO.
Reply to this comment
-
-
Titusq1 says:Posted: 30 Oct 12
I have never crawled back, never will. It's not my way. I know a lot of other men who are the same also, this is more the province of a woman in my years of experience.
Reply to this comment -
iodarius says:Posted: 15 Oct 12
To clarify, In this particular case I posted, the woman had given him more than 5 years. And as a middle aged woman, she did not have so many 5 year packets to waste on anybody. She needed to find the right one or do bad by herself.
Reply to this comment -
iodarius says:Posted: 15 Oct 12
I tell women about this all the time. I had to work with a woman two nights ago in an intervention to break manipulation and control off of her. She was angry at God, when she was the one who made the obvious wrong choices. We had to go back in time and put mile markers down in all the places where she should have done better, and explained and empowered her to look somewhere else. Just because he is loaded does not mean you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Because as a middle-aged woman, if you ultimatum him into marrying you, then you are stuck. He will have buyer's remorse, and will withdraw his emotions and affections and efforts from you. He will no longer be in pursuit of you, but he will be constantly pulling the other way. Not caring, breaking his word, cheating, maybe even without hiding it, because instead of walking away and breaking up like a man, he cowardly throws all this pseudo passive-aggressive behavior your way. Ladies, men are not that hard to read. The proof of desire is in the pursuit, or, even if he is lazy and can't run after you, the proof of desire might be in his at least holding on to you and no one else, loving you, being grateful for you, rather than looking for the brightly lit exit sign.
Reply to this comment-
PlayfulBM4WF says:Posted: 29 Nov 13
Grow up girls! Take responsibility for your actions! We live in a world (at least in America) where women are not held to the same responsibilities as men. See, Cassey Anthony (murdered her daughter, spent no time in jail), Mary Winkler (murdered her husband b/c he wanted her to wear high heels while having sex), Susan Taylor (stabbed her husband more than 200 times in 2003, paroled in 2014).... The list is longer than my 'Johnson' and that's pretty long.
Reply to this comment -
-
-
honeybee324 says:Posted: 13 Oct 12I remember this blog post. I have been thinking of that lately, having reconnected online with an ex (no talk of rekindling though) and the recent ex who still wants to have a presence in my life. The writer is the husband of a junior high schoolmate of mine.
Reply to this comment
Opinion
-
Let Your Dating Profile Pictures Do the Hard Work for You
Let Your Dating Profile Pictures Do the Hard Work for You In the world of online dating, your profile pictures serve as the opening statement of your romantic journey. They're more than just snapshots; they're windows into your personality and the energy you...
-
To Break or Not to Break?
To Break or Not to Break? In the rollercoaster journey of love, there inevitably comes a time when couples may find themselves at a crossroads, wondering if taking a break is the solution to their relationship woes. But does h...
-
Here’s how to break up with someone respectfully
Here’s how to break up with someone respectfully Breaking up is rarely easy, often prompting the question of how to end a relationship with both honesty and respect. While it may seem tempting to resort to ghosting, it is generally considered a disr...
-
The Great Pet Debate: Cats, Dogs, and Compatibility in Relationships
The Great Pet Debate: Cats, Dogs, and Compatibility in Relationships The cat versus dog debate has long been a playful point of contention, but in the world of dating and relationships, it has taken on a new level of significance. Online dating profiles often highlight...
-
Why You Might Want to Try Dating Multiple People
Why You Might Want to Try Dating Multiple People In today's dating world, options are aplenty, especially with the rise of online dating. It's not uncommon to find yourself seeing multiple people at once or exploring different connections simultaneo...
-
How Soon is Too Soon to Go Away with a Date?
How Soon is Too Soon to Go Away with a Date? The beginning of a relationship is one of the most exciting times, filled with bright expectations and new adventures. One of the things that makes this period especially fun is the prospect of vacati...
-
Can a rebound relationship work? Maybe.
Can a rebound relationship work? Maybe. Entering a rebound relationship is a multifaceted journey, often initiated by the need to recover from a heartbreak. In this comprehensive exploration, we delve into the intricate dynamics of rebound ...
-
Why Having Nothing in Common Can Be the Key
Why Having Nothing in Common Can Be the Key Ever felt that initial spark fizzle out because you and your partner seem worlds apart? It's common to panic when you think, "We have nothing in common." But before you jump ship, consider this: diffe...
-
What It Really Means When Your Partner Wants Sex All the Time
What It Really Means When Your Partner Wants Sex All the Time Alright, let's dive into this topic: when your partner's libido seems to be on overdrive. It's like they're always ready to hit the bedroom, and you're left wondering what's going on. Well, let's unpa...
-
The ‘Picky Problem’ in Dating: How to Break Free
The ‘Picky Problem’ in Dating: How to Break Free We've all heard it a million times: "I'm just too picky when it comes to dating." The pickiness predicament is a common theme among both men and women, often cited as a barrier to finding love. But be...
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
Coaching Testimonial
"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!
I will never forget my first time using the Coaching Service I was introduced to my personal Dating Coach. Let me put it this way, if it was not for her I would have given up long time ago (even though I'm a new member).
She taught me so many things and gave me good advice, I did not want to stop chatting with her at all.
She opened my eyes to many possibilities when finding love. She is definitely an inspiration and I appreciate a whole lot. She is more than a Dating Coach to me; she is more of a close friend/guide to me. She is definitely my "online love-inspiration angel".
Most Popular
- 1. Why white men love the black woman
- 2. White mother, white father, black baby
- 3. Why some Black women only date White Men
- 4. Why are Asian men and Caucasian women couples more common lately?
- 5. Is interracial sex better than sex with someone within your own race?
- 6. What kind of Black woman dates a White man?
- 7. Why do men almost always reappear after a breakup?
- 8. 16 things to never say about a mixed person
- 9. Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?
- 10. Is the White man the Black woman’s ideal man?
Wow mine came back, me thinking he has changed from his narcissistic behaviours, he became worst by flirting to my face. So I cut him OFF for life. If he gets close to me I can be harmful. So he keeps viewing all my statuses. SHOULD I JUST BLOCK HIM AWAY? or just make him keep REGRETTING his loss.