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Would you back away from an interracial relationship because of criticism?

Posted by Ria, 13 Apr

Do you have the strength for an interracial relationship?

I remember when my black friend who has mixed race babies was asked by some Chinese woman at the store whether she was the baby-sitter, her reply was: “Some styled up baby sitter I am.” Its called not giving a f*** about what people think. That is the kind of attitude all of us in interracial relationships should embrace.

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When some people get into interracial they never prepare themselves for the ridicule that sometimes comes with it. There is this guy who is having trouble with the girl, a beautiful intelligent black woman. Much as they have been together for 2 years the chick has started backing away because of the stress of being in an interracial relationship… she just can’t handle being called a traitor and sell-out.

She claims she loves the guy; but she can’t deal with people. Love is meant to prevail right? But being emotional about every little thing fools some people say about her interracial relationship means she doesn’t have the personal strength and resilience to be in an interracial relationship. She is letting herself be influenced by opinions of people who need to get their own business and stay out of hers.

Clearly, love alone is not enough to convince her to deal with the stresses of racism; she just isn’t strong enough. What I don’t understand is why she feels it necessary to listen to such people. Backing away may seem to be the easy way out but if she really loves this guy, I’d expect her to man up. At the same time, I believe interracial relationships are for people who can love someone and embrace what they are bringing to the table with no regard for the skin color of the other person, or opinions of some F***ers!

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72 responses to "Would you back away from an interracial relationship because of criticism?"

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  1.   DivaDee says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 14

    Most people post a positive about interracial relationships are Black people. The objections in the Black community is nothing compared to those thrown up to you by that of the white community if you are in an interracial relationship.

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  2.   Kuyusi says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 14

    No! I never will and I never have! It doesn't matter what race your with, some people will always have something to say, even dating your own race.. It's your life and your happiness you need to concern yourself with and if family and friends don't understand it's OK, love them still but live your life for you. I have always delt with racism with kindness because really can not fight kindness and the worse the looks are or terrible comments the bigger my smile gets. :-)

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  3.   Shi77 says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 14

    I was told by dating outside of my race my son wouldn't know how to be a strong black man. My response to that was all I need my son to be is a strong good man and any good man can teach him that.

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  4.   chrisd3758 says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 14

    I did when I was younger due to people staring at us every where we went and hearing the whispers from friends and family. Now that I am older I could care less what people think. Now if I could just find that right partner to spend the rest of my life with.

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  5.   Dawtsun says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 14

    Holy smokes! talk about a heated conversation. As a biracial man myself, I've dated both whites and blacks and quite honestly don't really care what someone skin color is. However if someone were to ever publicly or private point out there objection to whom I date... it would be all bad for them. Its 2014 for Gods sake! does this still exist?

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  6.   duchess02 says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 14

    Absolutely the power of love is stronger than anything else and i stand for it.xoxo.

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  7.   Oisagbovo says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 14

    Am a german and I have 2 kids (mixed race) am so proud and happy to have them -i dont care what people think abt .it ...we r all the same.!!

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    • Sithembewena says:
      Posted: 07 Jul 18

      You mean the same like when you say "I m not interested in Africans !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Somebody civilized)" on your profile? Mmkay, I see.

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  8.   salt94 says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 14

    well I'm a white guy honestly why would ya, to me my girl love is much more important then some strangers opinion or my friends because there not really friends if they don't support ya. but hey I'm just a guy who raises his middle finger to those who bash me for it but its a whole other story if you bash her. I mean I walked into a friends party only for them to stop what they were doing and stare and a lot of them were glaring so I did the rational thing I said "opps didn't know I walked into a white supremacy meeting, white is right guys" I said while my hand did the hail Hitler. I foresaw that some might get offended but I didn't see is my girlfriend hand coming at the speed of light at my face. however she laughed and we had a great time that night. moral of the story if some one gives you s*@# for dating outside your race, just put on a smile and raise your middle finger because ya don't care.

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    • NaturaleBlk1 says:
      Posted: 07 Feb 14

      Absolutely loved your response at that friend's party!!! As an older black woman, I prefer when my guy recognizes that type of heat and can react along those lines. It's what I do :)

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  9.   Sheka21 says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 13

    I did once and i regreat it up to this day. I gave up a good man because i wasnt strong enough to tell other to But ive learned from my mistakes, and now im looking for my interracial partner, and to hell with those who"dont approve" i aint living my life for them.

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  10.   lukin4mylv says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 13

    If a person let's ignorance rule they're life then you have to let them be, some choose to be that way. Live and Love as you want and don't mind the rest. Love of any kind is a great thing.

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  11.   Cj_runner says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 13

    I had someone make a statement to me that I was "playing for the other side". I didn't let that statement bother me because at the end of the day, I am comfortable with who I am and who I would like to be with.

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  12.   susngrl says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 13

    "Mixed race babies"?? What is that? Children are children.. That is absurd.

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  13.   teachersir says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 13

    Only a very sad individual would have a problem. If you find yourself wrestling with this and it becomes an issue for you then I can recommend a good theropist.

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  14.   rdhairguy says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 13

    Howdy! My name is Donald Horton and I am white! To answer your question is Hell No! Everyone has there own life to live! What business is it of theirs anyhow! Are we there slaves or our dictators? Didn't Mosses marry a black woman from Ethiopia? Also when his sister and brother started talking smack about the relationship didn't God want to kill them? Men and women from all races serve fought and some gave all for our freedom of choice? No it is no one's business what lawful age people of any race should be with!!! I prefer darker skin tone ladies myself, and if anyone criticize my lady or me for dating or marrying one another they better look out because that will chap my Hyde!!!

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    • DRLUVBUGT says:
      Posted: 09 Jan 14

      I love it. God you said it &got gust. Yes Sir!

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      • IRayz says:
        Posted: 26 Mar 14

        Exactly...! Some people just need to accept the fact that love is love and you shouldnt be worried about what others say.

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  15.   DJD2013 says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 13

    Another important thing about those with negative opinions of interracial dating to keep in mind when they begin spouting off is, are they talking out of the side of their neck in genuine concern for your happiness (of course not) or is it to go and tell others how they were able to sway and change your mind...control your world for their OWN peace or mind and supposed happiness? I have been down this road at least three different times. The first incident, another woman who decided she could never get the swirl going herself, told me, it could never happen (for me). It just doesn't happen and I need to stop holding on to that dream and let it go. My response utter silence and shock. I think I cowered on the inside but not for very long. The next negative incident was a good friend- a guy. My response was different. Very URBAN INNER CITY CHICAGO (I'll leave it at that) and I made clear to him to either be a true friend, get behind me and support me as a friend or step off and enjoy the rest of his clouded close minded life. Between the two incidents, I grew stronger and have never looked back. Whenever someone begins talking in that negative direction I simply ask one very important question of them and I ask it with the calmest tone but the sternest look on my face- and it's important to look them right in the eyes. The question: "Are you trying to end our association/ friendship/ work relationship or are you merely curious about my love life?" After that, they usually measure their words far more carefully. Why? Because your looking them in the eye and asking the question makes the person realize that you're not going to just say ok...you're right. It's very, very, very important to let others of negative mindsets know that you know EXACTLY what you're doing with your life. I could go on about this but I think you get my point.

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    • NaturaleBlk1 says:
      Posted: 07 Feb 14

      Well stated!!! Nobody can mess with you once they see that you really are quite fine with who you are and they can't respond intelligently to such a stern, direct question without it being a turning point in their life as well as yours. It lets them know without a doubt that their thinking/behavior is not going to be ignored but rather, called out and put on notice that it's not acceptable. And yes, you'll loose my friendship over it.

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  16.   Lala000 says:
    Posted: 21 Aug 13

    Love is love and if people outside your relationship have a problem with you loving someone of a different shade, then that's their problem! Date who you want regardless of what folks think! Hell! If you really really like someone and you don't want the criticism, then you're not ready to be in any relationship! Interracial, same race, beastiality, etc! There's always going to be someone who is either jealous, hate's change or is just really unhappy or whatever! If you REALLY care about that person, you shouldn't let anyone get in the way! Do your thing! Fuck everyone else!

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  17.   aujus says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 13

    Using a close-ended question(yes/no reply) to title a column is a bad way to invite discussion; And "Do you have the strength for an interracial relationship?" to open? Seriously? Where does this writer live? Despite the muddled intention here, I find it hard to take anyone seriously who repeats profanities with asterisks, uses strikeouts("fools") and refers to women as "chicks." Having an idea is great, but NOT having an editor before publication is much worse.

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  18.   CocoaBBW says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 13

    Bottom line: You are the only one responisble for your heart. Nobody else. Don't let others dictate how you are suppose to feel or who to be with. Thus, love who you want and careless what others think for they have NO effect on your love life.

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  19.   5woods says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 13

    If someone wants to comment publicly about a couple being in an interracial relationship its an invitation on that couples part to question that persons character. I love it when someone says something to me about race because I have no problem calling someone out on there negative comments. Calling someone a racist in todays society is just as hurtful as other certain derogatory statements.

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  20.   Babygirl2478 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 13

    No, i wouldn't care of what anyone think it's all about you and that person and loving one other being happy And where your heart is

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  21.   interim says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 13

    If you care about what people say, that means you don't care about your person enought.. If somebody don't like interacial couples it's their problem.. people just jealous that somebody is happy

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  22.   Amen33 says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 13

    No I would not , if finding love in a interatial relationship is what I can fine I will accept it gladly

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  23.   Sweetcoco02 says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 13

    I wouldn't to be honest. I love seeing interracial couples & babies. Shows you's are the strongest couples because alot of people dont want to see interracial couples. Follow your heart <3

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  24.   fl105 says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 13

    Absolutely not. In fact, i make sure im leaning into my gorgeous black man when we r in public....n he responds by pulling me in towards him. I want people to make no mistake about it. It wouldnt matter if we were both the same race tho. If im with someone, then im with them. People r people. My man happens to be black n im white....n he's hot!!! I love it!

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  25.   Babycakes39 says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 13

    No! Because real love isn't about being black or white, real love is when two people fall in love with each other no matter what color they are. Only stupid people see COLOR. when it comes to interracial dating.

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  26.   HouSweetg1rl says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 13

    Would I back away from an interracial relationship because of criticism. No. I wouldn't be in a relationship with the critical people. I would be in a relationship with someone who has the same views on the subject as I do. If I am fortunate to meet a man who is straight, kind, a little on the intellectual side, ready to love and be loved and there is a mutual attraction, then I wouldn't care what others said. I've been in a relationship with only two guys that would qualify as boyfriends, one was an Austrian/German, the other a Swede. To be honest I kind of like the attention we got when we were out in public. People can date who they want to as long as no one is getting hurt.

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  27.   SELENA52 says:
    Posted: 08 Jun 13

    A relationship is between two people; it only becomes between more than two when it is allowed. People are always going to have input on any relationship whether it be inlaws or outlaws it's human nature. A strong bind between two people in love is hard to break when something is understood from the start no matter if the races are the same or not. I say love who you want and be happy as heaven doing it. PEACE!

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  28.   greatengland says:
    Posted: 31 May 13

    Being 100% honest, i actually would not know what to do without dating a black girl, the ultimate diamond from God.

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  29.   skygal says:
    Posted: 27 May 13

    I wouldn't because the alternative is to be in a relationship where maybe you're ok and happy enough but secretly you always think longingly What If for the rest of your life. And at work etc you'll probably meet some people and make connections that make your partner insecure cause the truth is you'll always be drawn to certain people strongly. An IR should always be a strong one since its a given that you'll often be "celebrities" in social gatherings, but at least among family and friends people eventually get over it. The novelty wears off and real human relationships form to a point where they almost forget that your SO is different outwardly. Happy IR dating :-)

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  30.   godswoman44 says:
    Posted: 26 May 13

    No I wouldn't,,I respect other to have their opinions, but final decision is my own,,and if their have a problem it lies within them, So I guess their have let it be or choose not to come around, because if I care for someone no matter the color, I'm in till the end, it's us....so others opinion don't matter in my happiness

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  31.   mrmojorising says:
    Posted: 22 May 13

    If you're letting what other people say effect you and your relationship that badly then you should not be in a relationship at all, interracial or otherwise. Have some confidence and integrity people.

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  32.   benita20 says:
    Posted: 18 May 13

    Follow your heart and do what makes you happy in life not for others . Don't give a damn on what ever they say. Just be your self and your partner. don't mind of what others will think or say .. Just be your self . Me i am ready to face it , since i care less... I have no space for whispers since am not any of them.

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  33.   DarkHoney1 says:
    Posted: 15 May 13

    Wow! I couldn't have said it better!! Bravo!!! I don't give a damn what anyone thinks..... I like what I like and that is the end of it. DarkHoney1

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  34.   ally2311 says:
    Posted: 10 May 13

    I have dated interracially for as long as i can remember, and i usually don't care what anyone has to say..it actually makes me want the person more to be honest.. It does bother me that my family can't be happy for me, that does bother me, but not enough for me to leave the man i love to find someone my family loves...

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  35.   GeanHot says:
    Posted: 04 May 13

    I am personally not attracted to white men, but if I were interested and fell in love with one, nothing anyone says, including very close family members could force me to walk away from someone that I love. At the end of the day, no one can live your life for you. Remember also, you cannot please everyone. So focus on what makes you happy and do not listen to what other people have to say. You never know what people's motives are. Some people are just jealous that you have someone who treats you well, some are just lonely and miserable, some are geniunely racists and hate interacial relationships. Who the hell cares though? Follow your heart and love the one you love irrespective of how they look .

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  36.   sweettoyou says:
    Posted: 01 May 13

    I married interracially 36 years ago, and I am used to people staring, etc., so it doesn't bother me at all. An interracial relationship is the only kind I plan to ever be in. I don't think criticism from society is the main question. The real question I would ask young Interracial couples is this: Are you prepared to have your children be angry at you and perhaps hate you when they are teenagers for making them biracial, and for the prejudice they will endure all of their lives? I know: this won't happen to you – you'll be great parents, and your kids will be so well-adjusted that they won't mind. I don't expect anyone to listen--we didn't--because young people who are in love don't listen, and warnings just create the Romeo and Juliet effect: "it's us against the world." My kids eventually turned out alright, but it wasn't easy, and it's not an easy life. The die is cast, and I would marry a black man again, but I'm not going to have any more children, so no one will be mad at us for their racial makeup. My kids eventually got over it, but not all do. Please don't respond and argue or debate about it if you haven't raised biracial children to adulthood yet, because you haven't yet had the experience, so it would all be hopes and dreams and theory. You won't really know until after your kids are grown. I'd do it all again, because I love my kids, and they wouldn't exist if I hadn't married their father, but I'm here to tell you that it can be a very hard life, and we all have a lot of scars.

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    • blacklover4 says:
      Posted: 09 Jul 13

      I can relate. I have been married to a Latina for 20yrs, with four children. Although Black/Latin couples do not draw as much attention as Black/White couples. We still get the odd stares. Overall both cultures tend to have a neutral tone towards our union. My observation from the public is that they are curious about my nationality I'm guessing because their are black Latins . My older children are not angry because of their "free reign" between the physically similar cultures. In my opinion they have the best of both worlds because of their physical appearance adaptability and both cultures are considered underdogs.. As they get older they'll most likely iron out the kinks. In my opinion, Black/White unions get more negative heat because of the negative history and physical appearance adaptability. Basically complete opposites at the major angles. I personally could care less about a persons race but the vast majority does.

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  37.   Valora says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 13

    quietly. This almost always works. If it doesn't then I will remark to my date " I didn't realize there were so many Bigots around here" and I say that loudly enough for the offending parties to hear. After that, virtually all of them will stop staring and or making rude comments.

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  38.   Valora says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 13

    I have encountered some bigots while out on dates. Mostly they are white men and they cowardly and stare rudely at me and or my date /boyfriend. Occassionally they will make some quiet comment. My response is first to give my stare of death when I catch them pulling this. If it continues I will look directly into the person's face and say 'DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?'

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    • UntaintedGem says:
      Posted: 06 Jun 13

      So sad, the stares and negative vibes... Here's another perspective -Oddly enough, if I see an interracial couple (WF/BM), the chick usually gives me a nasty smirk or stare, as if to assume that I would have a problem with them. Sort of like going on the offense towards a stranger (me), when I couldn't be happier that they are happy. I've always sensed this silent stigma (as though I were being punished for the few unhappy black girls that may have given them a stare?) So it is interesting to know that white men are doing the stares. Now, my theory is altered: perhaps the white dudes stare as much as the black chics. Only, the black dudes make more of an aggressive fuss about it, causing their white chics to attack, as well?

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      • XnChristi says:
        Posted: 18 Feb 14

        Some people are stared at so much that they automatically assume it's negative, and sometimes it's not. I am white and was married to a black man, and was nine months pregnant with our first child. I saw a white woman with a bi-racial young boy, and I was staring: I was thinking, "What a beautiful child; I hope my baby will look like him." The poor woman saw me staring and looked like she assumed I was criticizing her, and she turned and quickly walked away. I still feel bad when I think of it. That was 37 years ago, and people were a lot less tolerant. Now I can't believe how many mixed couples there are, and stare in wonder at how easy it has become. Just to point out: some of us stare because we're in the same boat and think it's great. Someone rudely and intensely stared at us when I was on a date with a wonderful black man a few years ago. I could see her staring; he could not. I wasn't about to let her diminish our date: I leaned in and looked at him more intensely and smiled more, and made sure we had a great time. I don't know what the woman's response was, because I forgot all about her.

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    • XnChristi says:
      Posted: 18 Feb 14

      I appreciate your courage in looking directly at the person and asking if they have a problem. Sometimes that's what's called for. Here's a slightly different approach. I was married interracially and have mixed kids. One day my granddaughter, who is very dark-skinned black and was five years old, and I, who am white and very tall, were in the Philly train station together, and holding hands. A very "plain" Amish family in traditional dress saw us, and stared like they were in total shock--they had probably never seen such a sight as a white woman and a black child together and so close. I thank God for giving me a quick flash of wisdom; I saw them staring and looked directly at them and gave them a big huge smile and said "hi." No sarcasm at all, but a genuinely warm, loving smile. I thought "If this is the first time--or the only time--they're going to see black and white together, let's make a very good impression and leave them with a good feeling about it." Even if someone stares in a hateful way, we can often "overcome evil with good" and leave them better people for having interacted with us.

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  39.   Beau01 says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 13

    I can say definitively that I wouldn't..now. When I was younger I had a thin skin about a lot of things. As I got older and just realized what it is exactly that I like and WHOM I like....well like anything else that is important to me I stand my ground. Besides....it isn't like I have to go home with them at the end of the day.

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  40.   imtheone78 says:
    Posted: 21 Apr 13

    The criticism would not bother me. For starters, I have liked White and Hispanic women for as far back as I can remember. My family knows this, especially the ones who matter. So I'm not worried about what anyone would say. Another thing, my family is a pretty mixed crowd racially as it is. Besides the family aspect, I'm going to date whoever makes me happy. Comments from people that me and my significant other may come across won't phase me. They're just whispers in the wind. Now, I have dated a woman who could not take the social pressure. There was this time when we went to the movies, and we got there really early, so we just chilled in the car. These two Black women got in the car next to us, and she noticed that they were staring us down hard. And they were, but I didn't care, but it really bothered her. Then there was her family. They liked the fact that I was very respectful and a all around nice guy, but they couldn't get over the color thing, and that ate at her as well. Of course that relationship didn't last. We're in a "post-racial America," but the reality is that for a lot of people race is still an issue, and they may balk at criticism. Even if they really like you and can envision a future with you, that criticism may be too much for them.

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  41.   sira2066 says:
    Posted: 21 Apr 13

    no i wouldnt, i live for myself not people. infact i find interratial relationships very beautiful:-)

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  42.   sundowners says:
    Posted: 20 Apr 13

    Definitely not is my answer!

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  43.   jod212 says:
    Posted: 20 Apr 13

    I have never because I was raised in a blended family however I have dated men in my youth who were unable to handle the social pressure. My observation has been that most people are fascinated, then sadly their are the remainder limited in their opinion and/or just plain bias. To be in an interacial relationship required a sence of self, including self respect. Otherwise stick with individuals with the same background you have and save everyone the heartache.

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  44.   prettygirl46 says:
    Posted: 19 Apr 13

    Never! You live your life for you. Prejudice is always gonna be around. Some people don't understand interracial relationships. I was with a gorgeous white guy some years ago and the stares were unbelievable. But what I love the most is when I get dirty looks from the white girls haters.

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  45.   kandii7kiss says:
    Posted: 19 Apr 13

    The haters are going to do what they do best, HATE on what I find in my interracial relationship, all it will do is have me loving harder and more passionately! Because I find what I want and need in a different race. That's how it is, and how its always been for me, I'm positive that it will not change because of what some close-minded people think of my relationship. I honestly could not care less what anyone other than my man and me. If we are in love, we are in love. People just need to get with the twenty-first century thinking, we came out of the social taboo that is dating peope of a different race/color in the 90's (thats as far as I go back anyways) it was probably earlier than that though, it's time to stop living in the slave days... We as a people are more evolved, and I, for one, think it's about time we all started acting that way.

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  46.   Coey8 says:
    Posted: 18 Apr 13

    The attention from strangers is rather unnerving but to cost me to walk away from someone i have a connection to? Not likely.

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  47.   blueberry6 says:
    Posted: 15 Apr 13

    Personally I just want my life partner, colour is just a skin thing. The only barrier is and has always been finding a man with the same basic values.

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  48.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 13

    As a black man, I have tough skin. We are suppose to have tough skin due to the fact that people, even in our own circle want to see us fail. My thing is this, if you don't have the heart to deal with an interracial relationship don't get into one. If your mate is wishy washy about your feelings about interracial dating, the they don't need to be in one. If your motives for interracial dating isn't right, then you don't need to be in one. Just as simple as that.

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  49.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 13

    IR dating isn't for everyone. There are a lot of people that won't understand nor approve of your relationship. Ask yourself this. Who do you live for? When dating, do you seek to make your partner and yourself happy or do you seek to make others including strangers happy? The older you get, the less you care about what others think. The younger you are to realize this, the better off you will be.

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  50.   MagicParadox says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 13

    Never! I would generally consider it an opportunity to educate, but of course it's ludicrous to end a relationship because of backlash from the mainstream dominant societal voice! You shouldn't be in the relationship if you cannot stand by it, especially over issues of racism. I must say, I do find it absurd; here in Australia, I've not ever had any problems for dating interracially. Sure, people sometimes stare (others don't bat an eye), but often tis about curiosity and lack of exposure (besides, we make a striking couple; who wouldn't stare?!). Some people are challenged by it, but that's fine; I'm here to illustrate another perspective should they wish to take it further *smiles* The only time I wouldn't consider calmly and groundedly challenging any attack on our interracial relationship would be if safety were a concern; then I'd be looking for safety first, and justice next... and education might just have to go on the wish list! But truly, I don't see it as a big issue. Have the courage of conviction in your choices; choose a stable and grounded man and you should find it easy to stand by him. He and would discuss such situations, both hypothetically and if/when they occur; I know he will be grounded and intelligent, as well as likely familiar with such challenges, and I trust we will handle such incidents as a team.

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